Scars We Carry
by luna velvet
Summary: When Olivia has a close brush with death, all she wants is to resolve things with the man she walked out on four years ago. Will Fitz be able to forgive her or is the damage too irreparable for them to ever be able to make peace?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is my first venture into Scandal fanfic, so I'm a little apprehensive but I hope you like it! I had the idea in the back of my mind for a while but was inspired by The Right Kind of Madness by almostfamousoxo to actually put pen to paper and write. It's set 4 years from the season 3 finale and there will be a few minor spoilers/references from season 4 to 7. I'm expecting it will be around 10 chapters, but who knows... Let me know your thoughts, I'd love to know what you think!**_

* * *

Four long years have passed since Olivia last set foot in Washington DC. It had been too painful to return; the memories – both happy and devastatingly sad – swirl in her head, making her utterly nauseous as she stares out of the window of the moving car.

She'd left her entire life behind when she'd decided to 'stand in the sun' with Jake; her career, her friends, _him…_ And when things inevitably crumbled with Jake in the first few months, he came back to DC and she kept running – or at least she _tried_ to, until Quinn tracked her down, to nobody's surprise, least of all Olivia's. It had been entirely unrealistic for her to expect to keep going down the path she'd been on, she knew that. She can't just disappear. Sure, she can ignore her problems and pretend they aren't real, but that naivety can only last so long. She couldn't keep running: she couldn't keep hiding.

And after four years (and a wedding invitation from Quinn and Charlie) she's finally given in and returned home.

She sinks deeper into the backseat as she watches the world speed past the window; DC holds too many memories that makes her heart feel heavy in her chest. Memories that seem distorted and blurred around the edges, like she'd imagined the whole thing… The pain she feels is the only reminder that it was all too real.

The car slows to stop at a set of traffic lights, right beside a restaurant. Olivia's throat tightens and she forgets how to breathe when she thinks about the last time she was here. When _he_ let her go. She thinks about his eyes, those deep blue eyes she'd fallen in love with that begged her to convince him he was making a mistake. Even then she'd known it wasn't over; it would _never_ be over.

The car pulls out onto the road again. Olivia doesn't even see the other car coming.

All she hears is the screech of tires silenced by a deafening crash. She feels the sickening crunch of her own bones and the shattered glass cutting deep into her flesh as her vision drifts out of focus and all she can see is red. Blood red. _Her own blood_. Then she sees those blue eyes again, the last time she'd gazed into them she'd seen so much grief and unbearable pain, where she'd once seen hope. And she hears the voice she's desperately tried to erase from her memory, but that she still hears in every nightmare and leaves her waking up in a cold sweat.

 _The man I am, without you… I'm nothing. I'm nothing. And you are everything._

 _So we're in this together?_

 _I can't breathe without you. I can't sleep without you. I wait for you. I watch for you. I exist for you._

 _You can't leave me. I'm not losing you again._

Somewhere in the haze of light and dark and red, with the faint sounds of people screaming for help and sirens growing closer, Olivia longs to be held by the only man she's ever loved. Just one more time. And then she feels everything slipping between her fingers and washing away as it all fades to black.

* * *

Lilies.

The nauseatingly sweet scent of lilies is the first thing Olivia registers as she stirs, blinking against the harsh white light.

"Liv?" Somebody's voice comes and she screws her eyes shut for a moment. When she opens them again it's all still a blur, but the light isn't so blinding as she adjusts to it.

"Hey." The voice exhales a tired sigh of relief.

Olivia tries to speak but her throat betrays her, she coughs hoarsely. Everything slowly shifts into focus and she realizes Abby is standing over her, holding a cup of water an inch from her lips.

"Here." Abby offers gently, tilting the cup with careful hands as Olivia sips slowly, too weak to argue.

Olivia sees the concern clouding Abby's glassy eyes. She hasn't spoken to Abby for over three years; after Quinn had tracked her down, Abby called her. She was hurt that her best friend could just leave and end all contact with her with little explanation, it was completely understandable. But Olivia couldn't handle speaking with Abby knowing she was now working so closely with the man who haunted her dreams. She cut Abby out. Olivia had been protecting herself and it was selfish, Abby's feelings had been an unfortunate casualty in the grand scheme of things.

"Abby, I…" Olivia starts, trailing off at a loss for words. Her brows draw together in confusion as she struggles to piece things together.

"You were in a car accident." Abby supplies in a soft voice, as if she can read her thoughts.

Olivia's mouth opens and closes as she absorbs the information. It's only then that she really takes in her surroundings; she's lying in a bed in a private hospital room. Her eyes scan over the heart monitor that is quietly bleeping at her bedside, the intravenous drip hooked up to the back of her hand and the bandage dressing the deep cuts on her arm. Harrowing memories of the crash fill her head and her breath catches in her throat.

"We were pretty scared we were going to lose you," Abby speaks quietly and she blinks back unshed tears. "The others are getting coffee. We didn't know if you'd be okay, you were asleep for five days. The doctors kept telling us different things and –"

"The others?" Olivia cuts her off, eyes searching Abby's desperately. The thought that she'd had such a close brush with death is too big to take in right now. "Is… Is he here?"

"No." Abby doesn't need Olivia to clarify who she's referring to. "I called him, explained what had happened and that I'd have to stay in DC. I asked him to come… He tried. But he just couldn't, he –"

"It's fine." Olivia snaps, averting her gaze as she swallows against the lump that has formed in her throat.

"Liv…" Abby begins, perching on the edge of the mattress beside Olivia, forcing her to look at her again. Olivia sees so much sorrow in her eyes that it makes her heart sink. "You left him, okay? You do know that, right?"

"I know." Olivia exhales unsteadily, feeling her eyes sting with unwanted tears. "I do, I know."

"Okay."

"How is he?"

" _Liv_ …"

"I just want to know how he's been."

Abby furrows her brows and she draws her bottom lip between her teeth for a brief moment, like she's carefully choosing her response. "He's good. Yeah, he's good… _Now_."

"When did you last speak to him?" Olivia asks, studying Abby warily.

"He called this morning." Abby's response is deliberately concise and to the point.

"And he's okay?" Olivia continues her questioning because she _has_ to know he's alright.

Abby's expression changes and her eyes narrow. "Why are you doing this? Four years have passed since you left –"

"I know, Abby. I do." Olivia sinks back against the pillow tucked behind her head with a sigh. "I just –"

"No, you _don't_ know. You literally have no idea, Olivia." Abby snaps sharply in frustration. "You left when his world was crumbling around him. He was broken. _You_ did that to him… He's finally better again, or he's getting there, at least… And I don't want that to change."

"You say that like I _can_ change anything!" Olivia fires back helplessly. She's angry, though she has no right to be. "I screwed up, I know. I was a coward to run away, but I guess he didn't need me after all if he's okay now –"

"Don't you dare." Abby cuts her off with a loaded glare. "You _know_ how much he loved you. You were his world, his everything… And you just left? He was ruined. He was mourning the loss of his son – _and_ you."

Olivia falls silent. She'd known how difficult it would've been for him, grieving for his child while the nation expected him to continue to lead. She's never allowed herself to factor in just how excruciating her absence would be for him; it's been too painful to think about.

"Can I ask you a question?" Abby's voice is low and cautious.

"Okay."

"Are you still in love with him?"

Olivia blinks, her mouth drops open. "What?"

"It's a simple question: are you still in love with him?" Abby repeats, pressing for an answer.

"What do you want me to say, Abby?" Olivia asks with a shake of her head, defeated.

"I'd just like to know where you stand."

"Okay." Olivia barely takes a second to think. "No, I'm not."

"Really?" Abby's gaze doesn't falter. She arches her brow, clearly unconvinced. "You're not?"

"No. I'm _really_ not." Olivia seems to just be trying to convince herself. She doesn't even want to think about her feelings; she isn't sure if she's ready to feel _anything_. She breathes out an exasperated sigh. "When the crash happened he was all I could think about."

"Really?"

Olivia nods slowly.

"I don't think I could stand the thought of not being able to say goodbye… If something worse had happened and things were left unresolved –" She cuts herself off and gasps for air as tears threaten to spill down her cheeks, the notion that there's no hope she'd ever have the chance to fix things with him is unbearable.

"He's not going to be happy to see you…" Abby chews her bottom lip briefly as she studies Olivia. "But I've got work to do with him. And I think you should come with me, to Vermont."

Olivia opens her mouth to speak, Abby assumes to object, when they're interrupted by the door clicking open. Huck and a heavily pregnant Quinn walk in, armed with coffees and donuts.

"Liv! You're awake!" Quinn gasps in excitement, rushing to her side. She reaches for her hand, knowing better than to hug Olivia. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better." Olivia forces a smile, vaguely registering the pain of her broken ribs. She squeezes Quinn's palm gently. "I'm fine though."

It's then that Olivia notices Huck at her bedside, passing Abby a coffee. He holds out his drink for her.

"You need it more than I do." He utters lowly with a half smile.

She takes the cup, sipping gratefully before turning back to Quinn.

"How was your wedding?"

Quinn lifts her eyebrows in surprise. "You really thought I was going to get married while you were fighting for your life? Please, Olivia. You should know better than that."

Olivia gives her a tiny nod of understanding and her gaze drifts down to Quinn's bump. She hasn't gotten a chance to get a decent look until now; strangely pregnancy _really_ suits Quinn.

"We decided to postpone the wedding until after the baby's born." Quinn continues as she places her free hand on her bump, noting Olivia's stare. "My due date's next week."

"Wow…" Olivia blinks in awe, then lifts her gaze to meet Quinn's. "You're going to be an amazing mother."

And she really does mean it. Quinn had taken over the reins at OPA with such ease; once she'd found Olivia and discovered that despite the devastating news about Harrison she wasn't ready to return home, they'd agreed that Quinn would remain in charge, meanwhile Olivia would take a backseat and run things from behind the scenes, skyping in each day and doing whatever she could without actually physically being there. It was certainly a huge adjustment but Quinn had been incredible. She'd persevered with Huck until he listened to her and came around, eventually understanding and respecting Olivia's choices, choosing to come back to work alongside Quinn. Olivia's sure Quinn will take to motherhood as well as she'd taken to leading OPA.

After they've spent a few hours with Olivia, only being interrupted briefly once when a nurse comes to check on her, Quinn heaves a sigh and gathers her things. "We'd better get going, we've got tons of work to catch up on."

"Quinn, you should be taking it easy." Olivia frowns.

"Just an hour in the office, I promise." Quinn rolls her eyes, but a smile teases the corners of her lips. "I'm so glad you're okay, Liv."

"See you soon." Huck gave her a nod.

When Olivia is finally alone again with Abby, she turns to her with a morose expression creeping onto her face.

"You really think it's a good idea? Me coming with you?" Olivia's voice is tentative, like she doesn't want to hear the answer.

"I think the fact he's been calling daily, sometimes twice, even three times, just for updates on how you are speaks volumes. Don't you agree?" Abby raises an eyebrow.

"I guess." Olivia concedes, though her brows remain fixed in a frown creasing her forehead.

"If the doctor checks you over and says you're fine to be discharged, we'll go tomorrow." Abby pauses, staring at Olivia for a moment. "I think this is going to be good for _both_ of you… You're long overdue some closure."

Abby excuses herself to make some calls, stepping out of the room for a few minutes, leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts. She wonders if Abby is right. Of course she wants to see him, but will he want to see her? Her stomach churns with uneasiness. She tries to focus on the fact that, as Abby had said, he's been checking in for updates on her condition.

That has to count for something, right?


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews/follows/faves. Happy holidays! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'd love to know what you think!**_

* * *

Olivia shifts in her seat on the private jet, trying – and failing – to settle into a comfortable position to rest in. Against the doctors' wishes, she'd discharged herself early the following day after she'd woken in the hospital and now she finds herself sitting on a plane, somewhere between DC and Vermont, just a few short hours away from seeing the man she walked out on years ago.

"Everything okay, Liv?" Abby asks softly, interrupting her thoughts.

"I don't know." Olivia's shoulders lift in a weak shrug and she breathes out an exasperated sigh. "I'm so exhausted but I can't relax."

"You know it's not going to be as bad as you think, right?" Abby's gaze is unfaltering; she sees right through Olivia. "He's just going to need time."

"What if seeing me just ruins all the progress he's made to move on?" Olivia asks hesitantly, trying to desperately ignore the way her heart sinks at the thought. "The last thing I want to do is cause him any pain."

A sigh escapes Abby's throat. "You weren't there to see how much you leaving tore him apart… How much it _still_ tears him apart."

Olivia's stomach twists uncomfortably and she turns her head to stare out of the window. "How bad was it?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell you."

"Please… I have to know what I'm getting into, Abby."

"He was destroyed. He just… He didn't know how to exist without you." Abby begins, keeping her voice low. "I can't lie to you, he wasn't able to function without you. He was drinking all day, every day, from the moment he woke up. I guess he was trying to feel numb… And then after Quinn found you something shifted and he threw himself back into work."

"So he was okay after that?"

"We thought he was…"

"What happened? Please, Abby, I need to know."

Abby sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, shaking her head softly at the memory. "He overdosed on sleeping pills."

Olivia's throat tightens uncomfortably as her worst fear is realized. "He tried to kill himself?"

"He insisted that it was an accident, that he was drunk and didn't know how many pills he'd taken… But I don't know..." Abby pauses for a moment, her eyes are glassy but she appears to compose herself enough to continue. "Whether it was intentional or not, I think it was a wakeup call for him. He really tried to make a conscious effort to move on after that… I wanted to call you but he stopped me."

Olivia falls silent, she's at a loss for words. Her heart is painfully heavy in her chest with the incredible amount of remorse she's feeling. She'd escaped, left everything behind and he had had to deal with the fallout; he'd had no way out of the hell Olivia had abandoned him in. And it must've been hell for him to do something so drastic in an attempt to escape it all.

"Have you told him that I'm coming?" Olivia asks after a while, feeling the knot of nerves tightening in the pit of her stomach.

"No, not yet…" Abby meets her gaze with a questioning lift of her brow. "Do you think I should?"

"I don't know." Olivia chews at her bottom lip as she hesitates. "Maybe I shouldn't come."

"There's no turning back now, Liv," Abby states firmly, shaking her head. "You both need to move past this and get some closure."

Olivia doesn't answer back; she knows Abby is right.

Olivia drifts in and out of sleep for the rest of the flight but her mind won't let her rest, her head is riddled with thoughts of anxiety. In all honesty, she's terrified of facing him again; she's spent the past four years trying to run away and forget him, but now, knowing how hard he'd taken her disappearance, she's overwhelmed by a renewed feeling of guilt.

When their plane touches down in the evening there's a car waiting for them. The drive is over in a few short minutes and the fresh blanket of snow that's settling crunches under the tires until they come to a stop in front of the house she'd once visited, years ago. It's stunning, really. All of the dreams she's had – the ones that were, in some ways, worse than nightmares – about spending her life in this house haven't even come close to how beautiful it really is... But Olivia can't appreciate the gorgeous setting they're in, she feels too nauseous with regret and apprehension to take it in.

"I don't think I can do this." As the panic sets in Olivia shakes her head, exhaling an unsteady breath of air.

"You want me to go in before you?" Abby offers, refusing to allow Olivia to back out now. "It might help if I talk to him first."

"No… No. Just give me a minute."

Fifteen minutes pass before Olivia plucks up the courage to finally get out of the car. She walks up to the porch slowly, taking her time, as if those few extra seconds will somehow better prepare her. She's contemplating turning back, running to the car and doing whatever it takes to convince Abby to take her back to the airport, but then a light in the porch is switched on and the heavy wooden door pulls open. Olivia freezes momentarily as warm light spills out of the house and a figure stands in the doorway. The person's face is distorted by the darkness but Olivia still sees him; he's just as she remembered, even silhouetted.

"Abby? I thought you were coming tomorrow." When the person finally speaks there's a smile in his voice.

Olivia's breath hitches in her throat and her pulse races so fast she feels lightheaded. Something uncontrollable and magnetic pulls her forwards, into the light, and just as fast as she sees the smile on his face, it disappears.

"Olivia… What are you –" Fitz cuts himself off and just stares at Olivia with something that resembles disbelief in his eyes, as if he isn't sure he can understand _how_ she's standing in front of him now. "Why are you here?"

Olivia remains silent, completely paralyzed and unable to speak. Her mouth opens and closes as he struggles to find the words and Fitz just glowers at her, blue eyes wide and unblinking. A gust of icy wind interrupts them and Olivia shivers at the cold air under her thin blouse, instinctively hugging her arms around herself.

"You know, whatever it is you have to say, I don't even want to hear it." He sighs, shaking his head as he turns to step back inside.

"Wait –" She reaches out and catches his wrist but she immediately releases her gentle grip, startled by the familiar feeling of his warm skin beneath her fingertips. "Fitz, _please_."

Fitz stops to lean back against the open door and it's the first time Olivia has seen him clearly in the light. He has a few more greys in his golden brown hair, but aside from that, he hasn't aged at all. He's every bit as gorgeous as she remembers and it somehow makes this even more difficult.

"I had to see you…" Her response is weak but it's all she has.

"Shouldn't you still be in the hospital?" He asks, eyes examining the bandages wrapped around her arm.

"Probably." Olivia lifts her shoulders in a tired shrug and Fitz gives nothing back, he just stares at her. She thinks she should apologize, do something, _anything_. She has so much she wants to say but she can't bring herself to speak the words out loud.

"Fitz, hey!" Abby's voice cuts through the awkward tension as she interrupts them suddenly.

Fitz turns to see Abby walking up the drive and shoots her a loaded glare as he strides back into the house.

"Come on, let's go inside. It's freezing out here." Abby utters, choosing to ignore Fitz's evident anger as she presses a hand against Olivia's back and steps in, closing the door behind them.

"Abby. My office. _Now_." Fitz barks his order from the other room. Abby follows after him with a roll of her eyes.

Olivia's breath catches as she's left to take in her surroundings. The inside of the house is even more perfect than Olivia could've imagined; on countless occasions, she'd caught herself trying to picture how he would've furnished it and her memory clearly hasn't served her well enough. The house feels like Fitz – like _home_ – and it takes her breath away in a way she could have never anticipated. The first thing she notices is just how warm and inviting it is; logs are burning in the fireplace, casting a warm glow over the living room – the same living room that Fitz had made passionate love to her in, after declaring that the house was _theirs_ , all those years ago.

Olivia's drawn out of her thoughts when she hears footsteps approaching. Abby wears a smile that's too wide to be completely genuine as she walks back into the room, followed by a much calmer Fitz trailing behind her.

"Liv, are you hungry? I'm starving." Abby asks, trying with everything she has to ease the very palpable tension. "We can order in from that Italian place, you know the one, Fitz?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want." Fitz mutters as he crosses the room and flops down on the couch.

"Great! Liv, do you wanna help me pick out a bottle of wine?"

"Actually…" Olivia wavers as soon as she feels Fitz's eyes on her. "I'm feeling lightheaded. I think I'd like to get some rest… As long as that's okay?"

The question is solely directed at Fitz. She meets his stare and he exhales an inaudible sigh, but she _sees_ it. She can see the mix of frustration and hurt on his face… It isn't the first time she's seen that look.

He chews at his bottom lip and then his shoulders drop with a defeated shrug. "Of course that's okay, why wouldn't it be?"

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Abby's tone is one of concern.

"No," Olivia responds quickly, barely giving it a thought. "I just need sleep."

"There's a guest room you can take upstairs, down the hall and on the right… I didn't get a chance to show you last time." Fitz's voice almost sounds wistful as he gestures vaguely to the staircase. He tilts his head to one side, giving her a look she can't quite decipher. "If you need extra blankets there are some on the chair beside the bed."

"Are… Are you sure you're okay with that?" Olivia stammers out, surprised that after everything he's still being kind to her, even though she doesn't deserve it.

"Yes." He answers in a soft tone, his expression still unreadable. "You should stay."

She nods slowly. "Thank you."

When she walks across the room and begins to climb the stairs, she can feel his eyes burning holes into her back, watching her every step. She finds her way to the guest room and immediately strips out of the clothes Abby had picked up for her after hers were bloodied and torn from the crash. She's too weak and drained to do anything but crawl into bed.

As her eyes drift shut and she pulls the blankets over herself, Olivia thinks about the question Abby had asked her the day before.

 _Are you still in love with him?_

It's just seven words but it has such a complex answer. At the time she hadn't needed to think about it; she wasn't in love. How could she be? She hadn't seen the man in over four years; she really was being honest when she was asked… But seeing Fitz again has screwed it all up. She's done a good job of compartmentalizing her feelings for the past four years but coming face to face with him changes everything. Just locking eyes with him is all it's taken to throw her completely.

Fitz's blue eyes haunt her thoughts as exhaustion settles over her.


	3. Chapter 3

When Olivia wakes in unfamiliar surroundings confusion sets in and she feels disoriented for a moment. The room looks different in the morning, with warm sunlight pouring in from between the open curtains that she hadn't bothered to pull closed the night before. She peels the sheets back and drags herself to her feet, making her way through to the bathroom.

After a quick shower, Olivia finds herself standing in front of the large mirror in the bedroom. It's the first time she's gotten a chance to really see the full extent of the injuries she'd sustained in the crash. Huge purple and red blotches darken to black bruises down her side and over her ribcage, below her breasts, where her ribs are broken. Transfixed, she unravels the bandages wrapped around her forearm and reached her hand out in front of herself, examining the damage. The cuts are deep and long enough to scar, but she just feels nothing, she's too numb to really grasp how huge the impact of the accident is.

A knock at the door draws her attention away from her own reflection. "Liv? Are you awake?"

Abby's voice immediately brings a sense of relief and Olivia wraps her towel back around herself, careful to avoid putting too much pressure on her ribs. "Yeah, come in."

"I thought you might need this," Abby says as she pushes the door open and steps inside, carrying Olivia's suitcase that had, by some miracle, survived the crash and been shipped out to Vermont early that morning. At the sight of Olivia's injuries, Abby inhales a gasp. "Oh Jesus…"

"It looks bad, I know." Olivia sighs, watching Abby close the door behind herself.

"Let me help change your bandages, okay?" Abby offers gently, setting the case on the floor next to Olivia. She disappears into the bathroom to wash her hands and when she returns Olivia has retrieved some saline and gauze from her purse. Abby sits beside her on the bed and begins to clean her wounds carefully.

"I know you want to say something about last night…" Olivia mumbles after a while and Abby raises a brow but remains focused on her task. "He's mad at me, isn't he?"

"I wouldn't say he's _mad_ …" Abby responds simply with a furtive glance at Olivia and she starts to wrap the clean bandages around her arm. "He's disappointed. You need to talk it out with him."

"What if he doesn't want to hear it?"

"He will, believe me. He wants answers… He just wasn't expecting to see your face here, remember? Give him time and let the dust settle."

Olivia nods, exhaling a deep breath of air. "I'll try."

Abby finishes securing gauze around Olivia's wrist. "There. Now you must be hungry, right?"

" _Starving_."

"Well get dressed and come down for breakfast, okay? I picked up croissants on my way over and there's tea in the kitchen."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds great." Olivia answers with a light nod and Abby stands up, making her way over to pull the door open. "Abby, I'm sorry."

Abby pauses in the doorway, turning back to Olivia. "What for?"

"Because I did this," Olivia says finally, her voice thick with emotion. "We used to be best friends and now…?"

"You're _still_ my best friend." Abby states easily, a slow smile forming on her face.

"But I didn't just leave him, I left you too." Olivia's eyes shimmer with tears, she shakes her head in disbelief. "You should hate me."

"I was hurt, yes… I may never understand why you did the things you did back then, but it's in the past. I could never hold a grudge against you, Liv." Abby explains candidly, before adding, "Over a cliff, remember?"

Olivia nods reluctantly, watching Abby as she slips out of the room, leaving her to get ready.

* * *

After styling her hair and dressing in a cream cashmere sweater and a pair of black yoga pants, Olivia wanders downstairs. In the kitchen she finds Abby sitting at the breakfast bar, surrounded by paperwork, her eyes trained on her laptop as her manicured fingertips type furiously.

"Tea's over there. Mugs are in the cupboard above." Abby points, not even taking a second to look up from her screen.

"Thanks." Olivia utters with a tiny smile touching her lips. She follows her directions and welcomes warmth from the cup as it heats her palms. "Where's –"

"He's out for his morning run, he'll be back soon." Abby steals a glance at Olivia for the briefest second and the faint smirk on her face doesn't go unnoticed.

Olivia helps herself to a croissant and takes a seat by the window. She silently thanks Abby for having so much work to catch up on, she isn't sure she'd be able to put her mind at ease enough to engage in a conversation.

As she dusts herself off and sets her empty plate to one side, Olivia's eye is caught by Fitz – the man responsible for plaguing her thoughts – emerging from between the trees across the yard. An excitable golden retriever accompanies him, bounding in front of him and a much less giddy member of Fitz's secret service detail trails behind. She watches Fitz bend down to scoop a handful of snow and form a snowball with it. He hurls it at the dog who catches it, crushing it between its teeth and Fitz throws his head back with laughter Olivia couldn't hear. Her heart flutters in her chest at the sight of him playing with the retriever in the snow, it's such a pure moment of happiness; she hasn't seen him smile like that in such a long time.

As he grows closer to the house, Fitz's gaze travels to the window Olivia is sitting by and she forgets all but how to breathe. She isn't certain Fitz can even see her, there's too much of distance between them for her to know for sure, but that doesn't stop her pulse from racing; the way he's staring feels like he's gazing into her soul. His eyes are locked intently on her for what feels like an eternity and then the moment ends abruptly as the dog barks for his attention, drawing Fitz out of his trance. The grin returns to his face as he ruffles the dog's fur.

"Liv?" Abby's voice comes into Olivia's consciousness with an irritated edge to it, pulling her out of her daze.

"Sorry, Abby." Olivia turns with a vacant expression on her face. "What were you saying?"

When she glances back out of the window Fitz is gone, the yard is empty and there's no doubting the way her heart skips a beat.

* * *

Fitz is ignoring Olivia.

He's _deliberately_ ignoring her, that much is clear. She's spent all afternoon sitting across from him in the living room, while he works closely with Abby and his team in the kitchen. He claims that the move from his office to Abby's usual spot to work in is for a "change of scenery" but Olivia knows better. Maybe part of him wants to keep tabs on her, perhaps he's just missed seeing her face and can't tear himself away, but Olivia suspects he's punishing her. He's kept her in his sights, close enough to watch her intently, all the while being able to avoid conversation with her. He's torturing her and she deserves it.

They've still barely said two words to each other since she'd arrived at the house and every time Olivia meets his heavy, unreadable gaze from across the room, her breathing quickens. If she's being honest with herself she knows Fitz doesn't love her anymore. Deep down she just _knows_ it. She's okay with that fact – she has to be; all she wants is to make things right. To fix this mess they're in. To somehow repair the lasting damage she'd done four years ago.

At some point during the day, the golden retriever Olivia had seen with Fitz in the yard trots into the room. She learns that his name is Rufus when he nudges his nose into her lap and she reads the gold tag hanging from his red collar. She absently wonders when Fitz had decided to get a dog as she strokes his velvety ears. He'd never mentioned it when he'd discussed his plans for their future together; perhaps living in this house, having kids, had been enough fantasy for his dream.

Olivia feels a pang of sorrow at the thought of the dream they'd never be able to live out. Not now. Too much has happened and they'll never truly be able to recover from it all. That is, if he even _wants_ to try. She's ruined any opportunity of them ever reaching a point of reconciliation, she knows that… But still, she finds herself clinging to that one thread of hope.

Even though she's prepared, when she lifts her gaze again and immediately meets Fitz's eyes, glowing – _burning_ with something she still can't decipher – her heartbeat falters and it takes her a few seconds to remember how to breathe.

It's stupid and naïve and entirely irrational – and she _knows_ that – but in that moment, when she sees something flash behind his eyes, she _feels_ it. She remembers the way he used to look at her when he loved her, when he was _in love_ with her. She thinks maybe, just maybe, they still have a chance.

* * *

Fitz decides to work through dinner long into the night, doing far more than is necessary, even after he's dismissed Abby and the rest of his team. When Olivia resigns herself to the fact he isn't going to offer her the opportunity to speak to him today, she gives Rufus (who has undoubtedly become attached to her, choosing to spend all day at her feet, warming himself by the fire) a final pat on the head and heads for the stairs.

She senses Fitz follow her and fights against the urge to turn and face him. As they climb the stairs in silence, it hits Olivia just how natural it feels; there had been countless nights like this, especially in the beginning, where they'd follow each other to bed, hands brushing against each other, sharing secret smiles. But it's a total contrast now; there is noticeable space between them, the smiles are gone and in the end they'll be going to separate bedrooms, spending the night alone.

When they reach the top of the stairs, Fitz turns back to face Olivia. He just stares at her with those blue eyes in anticipation, as if he's expecting her to say something, but she's rendered speechless by his intense gaze. The moment passes and Fitz exhales a quiet sigh.

"Goodnight." He forces a smile but there's no warmth behind it.

She watches him turn to open the door to his room and she reaches out, pressing a hand tentative hand against his back.

"Fitz…" When he freezes, she inhales a sharp breath and continues. "I know you don't want me here. You're not happy to see me, I understand that. But I want to try to make things right with you… If you'll let me."

Fitz pauses for a moment, then walks into his room and closes the door behind him, leaving Olivia standing alone. It takes ten minutes before she comes back to her senses and makes her way to her own room.

* * *

That night Olivia lies awake, thoughts overwhelmed by Fitz.

She wonders what would've happened if she'd never left. It's dangerous, allowing these intrusive thoughts to enter her head; she's learned to bury the what if's where Fitz is concerned, bury them deep into her subconscious. Tonight, however, she can't suppress them.

Would they have made it? Would she be living with him here in Vermont, in the house he built for her, for _them_? Would they have survived the heartache of losing Jerry? Would he have still tried to end his own life?

That's where she stops herself, a sob racks her body, choking her. It's excruciating to think of his suicide attempt, whether it's true or not. She simply can't imagine a world in which he isn't somewhere out there, living and breathing. Perhaps she couldn't have prevented it, after all losing a child was more pain than any parent should ever have to deal with. But then again, he'd told her many times that he couldn't live without her. She'd always tried to downplay it, but deep down she'd known he meant every word, it was no figure of speech.

Fresh tears sting her eyes. He had loved her so much it consumed him, but she'd never truly felt like she was deserving of that love, like she couldn't ever be enough for him. Maybe that's why his dream for them never felt tangible to her; she could never envisage being able to give him enough, loving him the way he needed to be loved – the way he _deserved_ to be loved. So the idea that they could have it all had never seemed like it could ever be a reality.

At some point exhaustion takes over and Olivia manages to push those thoughts and insecurities to the back of her mind. She drifts to sleep, tears drying on her pillow and sobs quietening to tiny sniffles.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I know this is a slow burn kinda story but I hope you're enjoying it. Feedback is always much appreciated! Let me know your thoughts/opinions, how you want things to play out, constructive criticism etc. It's always gratefully received. Also, I'd just like to wish you all a happy new year!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews and favorites/follows! I really do appreciate it. This chapter is a little short but hopefully the content makes up for the length... As always, please do let me know your thoughts, likes/dislikes etc. Constructive criticism is always welcome!**_

* * *

The following day is spent much the same way as the previous one. Fitz and Abby work tirelessly at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, though he's dismissed the rest of his team for the day due to the heavy snow that is settling outside. With only Abby to break the tension now, things are noticeably more awkward. Olivia can only handle the intensity of Fitz's gaze on her for so long, even with Abby as a buffer.

Without saying a word, Olivia pulls on a pair of boots and wraps herself up in a coat, then slips out of the sliding doors onto the backyard. The sun had set long ago and the snow had stopped, for now. She walks out across the yard, grateful for the fresh, clean air filling her lungs. When she's far enough from the house that she can't be seen, she sits down on the ground to look at the stars; with the way things are going with Fitz she doesn't know how much longer she'll be able to stick around to be able to see this.

It's a beautiful night, the skies are clear and glitter with a million stars burning brightly. She thinks about it for a moment and it's then, as she lies back, that she realizes how lucky she should feel. There was a chance she never could've woken up and gotten an opportunity to see this, see the house again. She doesn't feel lucky though; she's still breathing, living in a world where Fitz is deliberately avoiding her and punishing her with every right to do so. Her eyes shut tight. A small part of her wonders if she would've been better off never waking up and she swallows against the lump in her throat at that thought.

"What are you doing?"

Olivia's eyes flash open at the sound of his voice. Fitz is standing over her, peering down at her curiously, his face illuminated by moonlight.

"I was just… thinking." She answers after a while, watching with trepidation as he lowers himself to sit on the ground next to her. "I thought you were working."

"We decided to finish up… Abby's ordering dinner for the three of us." He utters with a shrug, then lies back. Their arms brush and she feels her pulse race a little faster. "Listen, Liv… I know I haven't made things easy for you."

"You don't have to –"

"I know." He cuts her off mid-sentence. "But I still feel like I should apologize."

Olivia remains silent as she shifts onto her side to look at Fitz; he's a far more breath-taking sight than any starry sky and she doesn't know how many more opportunities she'll have to take in _this_ view.

"It's been four years, Olivia." He announces quietly after a while, sounding hollow.

"I know."

"You broke me when you left."

"I _know_." Her voice cracks. Just admitting it to him is painful. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah…" He sighs out, as if this conversation alone is exhausting. "But it doesn't change anything."

"I get that… It's just important to me that you know."

Fitz turns his head to meet Olivia's gaze and for the first time since she had arrived there, she sees a glimpse of the pain she's inflicted on him. "Why did you come here?"

"I had to see you."

"But why did you _have_ to see me? Why _now_?"

"I just…" She breathes out an exasperated breath. "I missed you, Fitz. I don't know what to say."

"You don't know what to say? It's been four years, you should _know_ what to say." His voice is thick with emotion and she thinks she sees a tear escape his eye as he pulls himself to his feet and begins to walk back in quick strides.

"Fitz, wait, please." She calls out after him and struggles to her feet.

He's already charged halfway across the yard up ahead and she chases after him, following the deep footprints he's left in the snow. She only catches up with him when he's walking into the light radiating from the house.

"Fitz –" Olivia gasps for air, pausing to rest her hands on her knees and catch her breath. The broken ribs aren't exactly making it easy for her. "Please stop. I can't… keep up."

To her surprise, Fitz does as he's asked and stops, turning to face her. That unreadable expression is back on his face, replacing the look of hurt and devastation she'd seen just a few seconds earlier.

"You know, I was doing fine. I thought I'd never see you again and now that you're here…" He trails off. His jaw clenches, like he's trying and failing to contain his emotions. "Do you know what the most maddening thing about this is? I thought I was still angry at you but I'm not."

"What do you mean?" She inhales sharply, staring at him with wide, teary eyes.

"When you showed up I realized I'm not angry anymore." Fitz chews his lower lip. "I should hate you… But I don't. And I was _happy_ to see you."

"I don't…" Olivia shakes her head softly, exhaling a trembling breath. "I don't understand."

"I was broken. You knew that and you still left me, you didn't even say _goodbye_." His eyes are glassy with tears, his voice quakes with emotion and it feels like a punch to her stomach to see him this way. "I was so stupid. I waited so long for you to come back to me… It was so easy for you to just go. You just _left_ me."

"It wasn't easy for me, Fitz."

"Maybe not, but you still did it... You left me. You chose _him._ "

She's momentarily stunned speechless. It's the first mention of Jake and it cuts her deep. "It wasn't like that…"

"You know what?" Fitz is angry now, snapping aggressively. "Just be honest and tell me why you're _really_ here."

"Because the thought of me dying without at least trying to make things right with you is unbearable!" Olivia exclaims suddenly and her own outburst makes her head spin; she's been so numb to it all, she hasn't realized how deeply the crash has affected her until now. She chokes out a sob, clasping a hand over her mouth.

"I went to the hospital, you know." His voice is a quiet murmur, so quiet she isn't even sure she hears him right.

"What?"

"When Abby called me. I went to see you at the hospital."

"You were there?" Olivia just stares at him in utter disbelief.

"I didn't even think about it, I just flew into Washington as soon as I'd heard." Fitz continues as he wipes away a tear that escapes his eye. "There was so much blood… I wanted to stay, be there for you… But I just couldn't deal with it. I couldn't handle seeing you like that. Couldn't bear the thought of losing you again, for good this time."

"You were there." She repeats slowly, trying to process his confession. Her heart thuds heavily in her chest.

"I didn't want that to be my last memory of you, in the hospital…" He lifts his shoulders in a defeated shrug. "You were the love of my life, _of course_ I was there."

For a moment she hesitates, but then she dares to close the distance between them and when they're standing face to face she reaches out, placing a hand on Fitz's arm.

"I know this isn't fair, me showing up out of the blue like this… But I really am sorry for what I did to you. I'll never be able to make it up to you, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying."

He nods gently, breathing out a shaky sigh. He studies Olivia for a moment, his eyes clouded with tears. "I'd like us to be friends."

"Friends?" She echoes in a soft voice, the word feels foreign on her tongue. "Yeah, I'd like that."

With an air of hesitance, Fitz moves to loop his arms around Olivia's shoulders and she's suddenly acutely aware of the fact that this is the closest they've been in four years. She rests her head in the soft curve of his neck and lets her eyes drift to a close as she inhales deeply, breathing in his familiar scent of whiskey, expensive cologne and something distinctly _him_.

"I've missed you too, you know," Fitz whispers lowly, squeezing Olivia a little tighter in his arms. The moment soon ends and he peels himself away. "We should head back inside before Abby sends a search party out."

"Yeah." She agrees, laughter evident in her voice despite the unshed tears in her eyes.

They walk in a comfortable silence and when they return to the warmth of the living room, Abby is laying out their takeout food on the coffee table. The rest of the evening is spent eating dinner together, enjoying good company, plenty of laughter and – for Fitz and Abby – a little too much scotch. It feels good – _healing_.

At the end of the night, a car collects Abby to take her home and Olivia decides to turn in for the night.

"I'm going to bed before I wipe out on this couch." She gives Fitz a tiny smile.

"Are you sure?" He smirks and he glances at Rufus as she strokes his head, being careful not to disturb him from his comfortable slumber in front of the fire. "I think he'd enjoy your company for the night."

Olivia can hear the lower, more suggestive tone of Fitz's voice but chooses not to acknowledge it, deciding that she's imagining things. Instead, she drags herself to her feet and makes her way across the room.

"Goodnight Fitz." She utters and it's the first time in too long that it doesn't hurt to say his name.

Fitz catches Olivia's hand as she passes, pulling her back to face him. His thumb strokes over Olivia's knuckles. "I'm really glad you're okay. You know, after the crash. I couldn't stand the thought of something worse happening to you… Sleep well."

"You too." She squeezes Fitz's fingers and then she releases her grip, turns on her heels and heads up to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:** **Thank you all for the sweet feedback! Reviews mean so much and I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying it. Now Fitz and Olivia have decided to be friends, but things are never simple or easy and it doesn't mean they don't have a lot of working through their issues ahead of them... As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**_

* * *

Despite the weight off her mind, Olivia has a restless night of sleep, mainly as a result of the blizzard had been raging until the early hours of the morning. It's unlike her to sleep in, but this time she'd craved the extra hours and her body had granted her some much-needed rest.

Eventually, she drags herself out of bed, showers and gets ready for whatever is left of the day. She expects to find Abby working down in the kitchen, but as she descends the stairs she discovers that Fitz is the only other person around. She watches him for a while; he's kneeling in front of the fire, adding logs to it and making sure they catch light. Rufus is sitting obediently beside him and when Fitz is done he ruffles his fur affectionately.

"I gave Abby and the rest of the team the day off." Fitz speaks suddenly and Olivia's breath hitches in her throat; she hadn't realized he'd felt her presence in the room, known she's been watching him.

"I see." She quickly recovers as he turns his head to meet her gaze.

"The snow hasn't let up all day." He shrugs, a boyish grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

"So what now?" She lifts an expectant brow, sensing he's already planned how his day off is going to be spent with her.

"Well, first off we're going to have brunch." He decides and rises to his feet, dusting himself off. "How do pancakes sound?"

"You're cooking for me?" She can barely hide her amused disbelief.

He only responds with a smirk as he walks over to get started in the kitchen. "After we eat, I'm going to take Rufus out. You're welcome to join me."

"I'd like that." She smiles and takes a seat at the breakfast bar.

Fitz whips up two stacks of pancakes while Olivia pretends she's checking her emails and _not_ watching his every move. They chat about nothing and everything as they eat and it strikes her how domesticated this all feels. It's bittersweet. This is what _could_ have been – what _should_ have been and although it is nice, the sinking feeling in her chest is painfully hard to ignore.

Olivia realizes she's lost in thought when Fitz stares at her expectantly, brows raised. There was a tiny look of concern that flickers in his eyes and she wonders if he can read her thoughts.

"Liv?"

"What?"

"Are you– Is everything–" He falters and chew his bottom lip, narrowing his gaze for a second. He appears to bury his concerns and recovers smoothly. "Ready to go?"

Olivia shrugs, forcing a smile that doesn't quite meet her eyes. "Sure."

* * *

After brunch, they take Rufus out for a walk and Fitz gets his first opportunity to point out some of the hidden gems near where he lives. Olivia watches his eyes light up as he talks and she feels enamored with him all over again, as he is with Vermont.

Eventually, the snow starts to come down more heavily, so they head back for the evening.

Following a dinner of roast chicken and vegetables, cooked once again by Fitz, Olivia is left with only Rufus for company. He curls up on the rug beside her while Fitz makes some phone calls in his office.

"I think you may have made a friend for life there, Liv."

Olivia lifts her head to see Fitz biting back a grin, watching her give Rufus belly rubs by the fire. A coy smile touches her lips and she drops her gaze from his.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I told Abby to work from home tomorrow… So it'll just be us again."

The softer tone of Fitz's voice makes Olivia's head spin and she refuses to give into the temptation of looking at him, fearing he'll be able to see just how deeply she is affected by him, _still_ , all these years later. It's only when he walks over to join her, placing a bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table, that she allows her eyes to meet his.

"We're drinking," Fitz states, answering the question he can read in her eyes. He takes a seat on the floor beside her and fills the glasses.

"I – I shouldn't." Olivia's brows furrow. "The painkillers I'm prescribed aren't supposed to be mixed with alcohol…"

"Come on, Liv. You and I can still enjoy a bottle of wine together, right?" He challenges her and there's a glint in his eyes.

"Fitz…" She warns with a muted sigh.

"I've _never_ seen you turn down a glass of wine before." Fitz raises his eyebrows, teasing her. Then that amusement fades from his expression and he fixes her with a more thoughtful look. "Besides, if you get too drunk, I'll take care of you Livvie."

Olivia opens her mouth to argue but his nickname for her catches her _completely_ off guard. She hasn't been called 'Livvie' for years and she feels it stir something deep inside of her. It was surely just a slip of the tongue and nothing more than that, she tells herself. But as he hands her a glass, she's helpless to refuse it – especially with his promise that he'll care for her if she needs him to.

* * *

"So… Have you been seeing anybody?" Olivia's question comes seemingly out of nowhere. Somewhere down the line the mix of strong pain medication and three or four glasses of red wine in her bloodstream has loosened her tongue. She isn't sure whether to regret it or not as Fitz purses his lips and narrows his blue eyes at her.

"Why?" He asks, tilting his head to one side.

"I don't know, I guess I'm curious," She answers coyly with a light shrug of her shoulders.

"Currently, no," He responds simply as he refills their glasses.

"But you have, right? Before…?" She eyes him carefully, waiting for him to meet her gaze.

"It's been four years, Liv –"

"I know."

"After Mellie and I divorced, I wasn't going to stay single forever… What about you? Seeing anybody?" Fitz finally stares back at Olivia, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Olivia chews her bottom lip and avoids eye contact for a moment. "No."

"No? How long has it been?"

"A while…"

"How long?"

"I've dated a few guys but… Relationship wise? There's been nobody since you." She feels a blush rise to her cheeks as soon as she hears the words come out of her mouth.

" _Oh_ … I see." Fitz speaks quietly and when Olivia can't resist stealing a glance at him, he looks like he wants to say something more, but decides against it.

The silence that falls between them is laced with tension and questions they're both too afraid to ask.

* * *

Olivia sits up in bed, threading her fingers through her hair. She's spent the best part of an hour, maybe more, tossing and turning. After they'd finished drinking together, she and Fitz had both gone to their separate bedrooms to sleep.

Olivia is on edge. Her mind is restless, plagued by thoughts and unanswered questions.

She decides – as she pulls herself out of bed, slipping a robe on over her silk pajamas and drags her feet downstairs – that maybe some fresh air will help. When she reaches the sliding doors she steps into the boots that she'd discarded after hiking earlier that day with Fitz.

Apparently, she isn't the only one with this idea in mind. When she opens the door she notices Fitz is standing there, leaning up against the side of the wall. His tousled hair is dusted with snow and his eyes are hazy as he sips from a glass of whiskey.

"Hi." Olivia speaks softly, not wanting to startle him.

Fitz lifts his head at the sound of her voice. "Can't sleep?"

She shakes her head. He offers his glass to her and she takes it, swallowing a mouthful gratefully.

"I have to ask you about something," She announces in a quiet murmur, handing the glass back to him.

"Okay," He answers slowly, studying her intently as he set his glass down.

"About after I left…" She continues and she watches the smile fade from Fitz's face. She knows she's treading on thin ice.

"Olivia –" His tone is a warning. He heaves an exasperated sigh. "I told you I wanted us to be friends, why are you doing this?"

"Please just listen to me." Olivia feels dizzy and lightheaded; the potent cocktail of alcohol and strong painkillers isn't helping her get through this conversation. "Abby told me about what happened… With the sleeping pills."

Fitz's gaze drops from hers and he swallows hard. "She did?"

"Yes…" A shaky breath escapes her throat and she realizes her eyes are stinging with tears. "Did you try to kill yourself?"

He chews at his bottom lip and when he finally looks up, she feels her stomach churn at the look of unbearable pain in his eyes. "No… I don't know."

"You don't know?" She repeats, incredulous. Without thinking, she reaches for the wall to steady herself.

"You left me. I was broken and you left. I didn't even know that you were _alive_. I'd already lost Jerry and losing you too was more pain than I could bear to stand." Fitz's voice trembles as he recalls the grief he'd suffered. "But then Abby told me that your friend Quinn had found you and I felt relieved. I figured you'd come back at some point and that gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. It kept me from losing my mind… Then one day I overheard Abby talking to Cyrus, saying that you'd cut contact with her and I realized you were never coming back."

"Fitz…" Olivia barely manages to say his name between breathless gasps for air. Nausea overwhelms her and she feels like she's going to throw up.

He continues, watching as the color drains from her face. "Knowing that… It took away my will to live. I couldn't bear feeling anything anymore. It was exhausting just living and breathing each day, the pressure I was under was crushing me. I wanted to escape. I didn't have the strength to keep living anymore. Not without you…"

It's all too much; hearing the truth from Fitz is more agonizing than Olivia ever could have imagined. Her knees buckle beneath her and her vision fades to black.

* * *

"Livvie?"

Olivia's eyes flutter open at the sound of Fitz's voice. For a second she can't place where she is, all she knows is that she feels safe with Fitz there. She feels his gentle fingertips tilting her chin up and his concerned face comes into focus.

"What happened?" She tries to sit up but he presses her shoulder back, preventing her from moving.

"You fainted. Luckily I caught you so you didn't hit your head, but you had me scared for a moment there." He explains softly and he draws his hand up to cup her jaw tenderly. "How do you feel?"

"Weak. A little sick… But I'm fine." Olivia answers and that seems to ease some of the worry in his eyes.

"Stay here, I'm going to get you some water."

Fitz leaves her for a few moments. From the fire casting a dim glow across the living room, she realizes he'd carried her inside and laid her out on the couch. Memories of their conversation, of Fitz describing how he'd tried to end his life, come back to her. Her eyes cloud with fresh tears and as she hears Fitz's footsteps approaching she tries to blink them away.

"Here." He kneels on the floor next to her and unscrews the cap from a bottle of water, then carefully tips it between her lips. When she's done he sets the bottle on the coffee table.

It's then she notices he's trying to hide a smile and frowns. "What?"

"I was just thinking… I guess you were right about mixing alcohol with your medication." He shrugs and huffs out a quiet chuckle of defeat.

"I'm _always_ right, Fitz." She declares with the hint of a smirk touching her lips.

He only gives her a playful roll of his eyes in response, then pulls himself to his feet. "You should eat something. I'll make you popcorn."

Fitz is gone for a few minutes and when he returns, he takes a seat beside her legs on the couch. Olivia's still feeling a little nauseous but she manages to eat a handful of popcorn; it seems to satisfy him enough for him to place the bowl back on the coffee table. She's touched that he had remembered her favorite snack. _Of course_ he remembered, he still knows her better than anybody else, even years later.

"I should go to bed," He announces in a quiet voice, almost with a hint of reluctance. He makes no attempt to move from his spot next to her.

For some inexplicable reason, she feels compelled to reach out for him. "Stay. Please."

He's conflicted; his eyes flicker with emotions and then he exhales deeply, giving in. "Okay."

Without saying another word, Fitz lies down next to her and pulls a blanket from the back of the couch, draping it over them. His arms encircle her tiny frame and draw her into the warmth of his embrace. For the first time in years, Olivia feels the tension that has built up over time leaving her shoulders as she relaxes in his arms and presses her head against his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Hands up who's still reeling from Scandal's mid-season premiere?! I'm hoping with all my heart that Liv can still get out of this dark place and that in the end she'll be with Fitz, but Shonda likes to play with us... Anyway, thanks again for all the reviews and favorites/follows on this story!**_

* * *

When Olivia wakes early in the morning, Fitz is already staring back at her. He traces her jawline with his fingertips and pushes her hair behind her ear. She knows implicitly that his question is coming before he's even opened his mouth.

"Why did you leave?" Fitz asks, his deep blue eyes filled with all the sadness in the world.

Even though she'd anticipated it, it doesn't make the feeling of dread come crashing through her any less violently. She inhales a shallow breath and shakes her head softly. She can see what she's done, how badly she's hurt him and her stomach churns with guilt.

His question is one she'd often asked herself, however every answer she came up with felt false, like an excuse. But she owes him an explanation, so the least she can do is try.

"Okay." Olivia starts slowly with a gentle nod. "Let's talk. You deserve to know everything."

Fitz disentangles himself from her and moves away to stand over by the window. He keeps his back to her and for that, she's actually thankful, because seeing the unfathomable pain in his eyes is simply too much to bear.

"When I left I told myself it was because I was at the center of every problem." Olivia begins to explain, sitting up and pushing the blanket aside. "Every awful thing that happened was because of I was there. It always came back to me… So I thought if I could take myself out of the equation, all the people I care about – _you_ – would stop being hurt as a result of me simply being around."

"But that wasn't the only reason." He finishes for her, stealing a glance over his shoulder.

"No." She hesitates, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "I didn't know how I'd ever be able to look into your eyes knowing your son would be alive if it wasn't for me."

Fitz spins around with the most horrified expression on his face. "I could never blame you, Liv. How could you think that?"

"Because if we'd never met, if I'd never fallen for you… Jerry would still be here." Olivia's voice cracks with a sob when she says his child's name.

"Don't you dare think that the reason I'm hurt is because I think you played _any_ part in Jerry's death. You are not at fault. I will not _allow_ you to think that you are." His voice is harsh, but his gaze is soft and unrelenting; she knows there's no fighting with him on this.

"Okay." She brushes away a tear that escapes her eye with her thumb, taking a moment to breathe and compose herself before she continues. "But I was also selfish, too. I knew you needed me but I just couldn't…"

"You ran."

"I needed time to myself."

Anger flashes behind Fitz's eyes at that. "Then why did you take _Jake_ with you?"

Olivia's mouth falls open and she feels her breath catch in her throat. For the first time since she's arrived, Fitz has dared to ask the question that she's been dreading more than anything, but that she knows has always been inevitable.

"I did plan to leave alone." She chooses her words carefully, averting her gaze from his. "But he told me he wanted an escape too. He said that I didn't have to be alone, that we could start over together… I believed him."

"You _wanted_ him there, admit it." His voice has dropped to a dangerously low level. She opens her mouth to counter him, but he continues before she has the chance to respond. "Did it feel _good_?"

"What?"

"When you were with him and you knew I was dealing with the worst grief of my life, did it feel good?"

"It wasn't like that, Fitz." Olivia shifts in her seat, clearly uncomfortable with the direction their conversation is going in.

"What was it like then? Tell me because I'd really like to know, Olivia." Fitz spits, his words dripping with venom.

"Fitz –"

"Could he distract you from your guilt when he was screwing you?"

" _Fitz_ –"

"Or did you think about me when he was inside you?"

"Stop it."

"You can't even look at me."

Olivia's gaze snaps up and her own rising anger is evident in her eyes. "Because you're being disgusting."

" _I'm_ being disgusting?" Fitz laughs but there's no humor in it. "That's rich."

"If only you knew…" She mumbles under her breath but silences herself, deciding better of it. She stands up as she continues with more conviction, feeling her hurt and frustration begin to surface. "You wanted to talk but you won't let me speak. I'm trying to explain, but how can I when you just want to fight with me? Is this your way of _punishing_ me? Do you even _want_ to listen to me?"

"You're right." He agrees, clenching his jaw tightly. "I don't want to hear it. I thought I could do this with you, but I can't. I'm done."

Before Olivia has a chance to react, Fitz storms out of the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence in his wake that does nothing to help the knot of uneasiness that twists her stomach.

* * *

Olivia doesn't see Fitz for the rest of the day. It's clear to her that there is no way she can resolve things with him right now, that maybe they'll _never_ resolve things. In the evening she calls Abby from the guest room while she's packing.

"Abby, what's your address?" She immediately asks when the call connects, tossing her makeup bag into her open suitcase.

"Why? What's happened?" Abby responds with an audible sigh.

"I have to leave. I've booked a flight back to DC tomorrow, I just need somewhere to stay tonight." Olivia explains, wedging her phone between her ear and shoulder as she folds a sweater. She takes Abby's silence as a prompt to continue. "I tried, Abby. He won't listen to me."

"Maybe I should talk to him –"

"No. I don't want you any more involved… But thank you."

"That's okay… But Liv, are you sure you don't want me to try?"

"I'm sure," Olivia answers without missing a beat, trying desperately to ignore the lump in her throat. "So can I come over to your apartment?"

"Of course." Abby utters softly on the other end of the line as Fitz appears in the doorway. His eyebrows furrow when his gaze drifts to the half-packed case on the floor.

Olivia's breath hitches at the sight of him and she pulls the phone away from her ear. "I… I have to go."

"You're leaving?" Fitz asks, though it isn't a question.

She drops her phone on the bed and folds her arms across her chest, attempting to compose herself. "I've outstayed my welcome here. This was a mistake."

"Don't go… I'm sorry, Livvie." His voice is soft and warm, it sends shivers down her spine in ways she didn't know he's still capable of.

Though his apology seems genuine and his nickname for her stirs up her feelings, she refuses to let it slide. "Are you? Are you sorry?"

"Yes. I don't want you to leave, not like this." He exhales deeply as he shakes his head. "Please. I'm sorry, I just lose my mind when I think about him – with _you_."

"I don't know what you expect me from me, Fitz." Olivia snaps, tears of frustration and hurt forming in her eyes. "You want me to tell you I never had feelings for Jake? You want me to say you're the only man I've ever wanted? I can't do that."

Fitz stares at her in silence for a moment, watching her chest rise and fall as her breath quickens. "You said 'If only you knew.'"

"What?" She's clearly taken aback, fighting to conceal the emotions flickering across her face.

"Earlier. You said it and you had this look on your face like your blood ran cold. Why?" He elaborates with a look of steely determination in his blue eyes that tells her he isn't about to just let it go.

"I wasn't happy with Jake. He knew I was in love with another man…" She's quiet, trying her best to remain as vague as possible. "I used to have nightmares about you. I still do sometimes… And it drove him crazy."

"Is that why he left?" Fitz's concern for her is quickly overwhelming the hurt he'd harbored for years.

"No… Not exactly." Olivia can't hide the tremble in her voice or the way her gaze averts from his, her eyes glazing over with fear and pain.

He hesitates, afraid to press forward and have his worst nightmares confirmed as a reality. But he has to know.

"What did he do to you?" He asks and when she lifts her head to stare back at him, unshed tears glistening in her eyes, he already knows her answer. "Olivia…"

"He hurt me." She admits reluctantly, a tiny sob escaping her throat.

"He laid his hands on you?" Fitz tenses up as he visibly struggles to keep his anger under control.

Olivia nods slowly, tears spilling down her cheeks before she can stop them. "So… This is why you have to understand that I didn't _choose_ him! I was never happy with him! He… He _destroyed_ me."

"Livvie –" He steps forward to envelop her in a warm embrace, his protective arms encircle her tiny frame.

They remain like that for some time as Fitz lets Olivia cry against his chest. His throat tightens uncomfortably and his chest aches for the pain she'd had to endure. He wants to press her further on the subject but it's clear that it's still all too raw for her and now isn't the time, so instead he tries to soothe her sobs, lightly stroking her back in small circles as she clings desperately to him.

Eventually, Olivia's tears subside and when Fitz cups her face with a gentle hand, letting his fingertips caress her jaw, he stares down at her and shakes his head with a muted sigh.

"I can't do this… I said I wanted us to be friends, Livvie. But I just can't." His brows draw together and he looks torn, battling with some inner turmoil.

She remains silent; almost afraid to break the fragile moment they're in.

Fitz brushes his thumb over Olivia's parted lips, eyes following the path it traces. And then he leans close, fingers threading in her hair as he lays his lips on hers. He kisses her so softly and tentatively, it's like he's trying to rediscover what Olivia's lips feel like and kiss away their shared pain all at once.

" _Fitz_ …" She whispers between kisses and when he leans back she begins to panic that he's having regrets.

"You won't leave me again, will you?" He's never looked more lost; he's scared and she understands because she feels it too.

"Never." She shakes her head and reaches up to hold his face in her hands, forcing him to keep his eyes on her, imploring him to believe her. "I could never do that to you again. I promise you."

He nods and relief washes over his face as she pulls him close, kissing him deeply with intent.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Thanks for all of your feedback. It's really interesting to hear your frustrations with Fitz being so open to Olivia. I hear you, believe me, but I'm trying to keep this as true to their characters as I can and they're both flawed; Olivia repeatedly hurts Fitz and Fitz is a fool for her. I could never truly understand why Olivia left Fitz in his darkest moment, especially with Jake, so I wanted to try to work through some of that with this story (even altering the truth and taking it to the extreme of Olivia not coming back for over 4 years). They still have a lot to work through and despite the following chapter they're not immediately going to snap back to how they were - Olivia has to earn him. I hope you stick with this, even with your frustrations! Also, from now on it's going to be rated M, for obvious reasons.**_

* * *

Kissing Fitz is like breathing. Olivia falls back into it so effortlessly; she almost can't believe she's survived so long without his lips on hers, his big hands splayed out across her hips, holding her against him. It's so easy, so comfortable – nothing in her life has ever felt more _right_ than this.

But still, she's hesitant. As much as she wants to let herself melt into him, she's allowing him to take the lead. She's painfully aware that at any moment he can break away, tell her this is nothing more than a mistake and that he doesn't want her anymore. Almost immediately as that thought crosses her mind, he pulls back and her heart falters.

"Do you… Do you still… Want me?" Fitz stammers out, breathless.

"Oh Fitz…" Olivia exhales his name softly. She can see he is battling with his own similar insecurities, not wanting to push her if she no longer desires him; if it's possible, it makes her want him _more_.

She wastes no time in recapturing his lips with hers, kissing him without reservation as if to prove a point and she's overjoyed when he reciprocates it with unbridled passion. A low moan escapes her throat at the first brush of his tongue against hers and she buries her hands in his hair, threading her fingers in his soft curls.

Her head tilts back as her lips part in a shallow gasp when his hands move from their conservative position on her hips to grab her ass, squeezing her with possessive fervor. He takes it as the perfect opportunity to line her throat with kisses, sucking hard at her pulse point until her eyes flutter to a close and she stifles a whimper, biting her bottom lip.

"God, I need you," Fitz growls against the side of her neck, softly grazing her delicate skin with his teeth.

Olivia tugs gently at his hair until he takes the hint and lifts his head. She's met with his intense stare; she's sure he can see just how turned on and hungry for his touch she is, her body aches for him.

"I'm yours." She declares as she struggles to catch her breath.

Without saying another word, he takes her hand and quickly drags her out of the room and down the stairs. He walks in strides so big that she struggles to keep up with him.

"Fitz, where are we going?"

He doesn't respond. She gets her answer when he pulls open the door to a bedroom. When she steps past him he releases his grip on her hand and watches silently as she takes in the space. Her fingertips dance over the smooth mahogany furniture before settling on the mantelpiece above the empty fireplace.

"I had it added to the plans for the house after you visited," Fitz explains quietly, a faint smile touching his lips at the memory. "After that night, I decided we should absolutely make love in front of a fire more often… Livvie, this was supposed to be _our_ room." He watches her shoulders tremble as she inhales a deep breath and continues, "When I moved in I tried to sleep in here, to make it _mine_ but…"

Olivia turns to face him and there are fresh tears shimmering in her eyes.

"I couldn't without you. It was ours." Beneath the layers of sadness in his statement, there's something else. Hope.

She takes a step towards him but he's already ahead of her, closing the distance between them. His lips are on hers again, kissing her so deeply it makes her knees weak. He feels her body tremble against his and tightens the hold he has on her as he blindly steps back until his legs touch the edge of the bed. Before she has a chance to get her bearings, he pins her beneath him on the mattress.

She buried her hands in his hair, twisting the soft curls between her fingers. A soft moan sounds from her throat when she feels him grinding his hips down and his hardening erection presses against the inside of her thigh. He fumbles to unzip her jeans and she helps him tug them down over her hips, kicking them off. His deep kisses slow as he pulls back, reaching for the hem of her top.

"W-wait…" Olivia stutters, immediately coming out of her haze of desire. Until now she's forgotten about the bruises across her body, where her ribs had been broken in the accident and she suddenly feels self-conscious about him seeing her look so vulnerable.

"What's wrong?" Fitz asks with unrelenting concern as she props herself up on her elbows.

"I just… I don't want you to see me like this, all broken and bruised." Her eyes are downcast. "I'm… embarrassed."

He exhales a sigh, gently shaking his head. "The accident wasn't your fault. You have _nothing_ to be embarrassed about, Liv."

"Are you sure?" She asks and her breath catches when she feels his fingertips stroking over her hips, teasing the soft skin there.

Fitz only nods and kneels between Olivia's thighs as he lifts the blouse over her head. When he takes a moment to examine her dark bruises, she swallows hard under the weight of his gaze. His hand ghosts over her ribcage and then he leans down, tracing featherlight kisses across the blotches of deep purple. And that's when Olivia realizes he's _kissing her better_.

When he reached her hips, he hears a tiny gasp and looks up to find her eyes have darkened with desire. She watches the most devilish grin tug at the corners of his lips as he crawls back on top of her to claim her lips with a hungry kiss. Her hands move restlessly, pulling at his sweater; the need to feel his bare skin again is too much, she's missed the sensation of his body pressed against hers more than anything. Eventually, he tears himself away from her and strips out of his clothes, taking great pleasure in the undeniable effect he still has on her, watching as she absentmindedly draws her bottom lip between her teeth at the sight of his naked body. He settles between her thighs and when he reaches behind to unhook her bra, tossing it aside carelessly, she arches her back with an audible sigh.

Olivia is silenced immediately as Fitz closes his mouth around her hardened nipple, swirling his tongue over it. His other hand skims its way up her body and cups her other breast, squeezing it and he brushes his thumb over her nipple, then he switches over, lavishing it with equal attention. The breathy moans escaping her lips only intensify his need to satisfy her. He slides down her body and hooks his fingers under the waistband of her lace thong, stripping her of the last remaining barrier of clothing between them.

"I need you, Fitz." Her voice is hot and heavy with seduction. His breath tingles against her inner thigh and her hips shift impatiently. "Please."

He lifts his brows and a dark smirk curves his lips. "Not yet."

Olivia stifles a whine of impatience as Fitz lifts her legs around his shoulders. Her eyes flutters to a close at the first rasp of his teeth against the inside of her thigh. He sucks and nibbles at her silky skin, driving her wild; she threads her fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp softly with her nails. He dips the tip of his tongue at her opening for a brief moment and a low groan sounds from his throat as he tastes her, feeling how wet she is already.

As tempting as it is to _devour_ her, he refuses to give in; he wants to tease her until she can't take it anymore. He runs his tongue up and down between her folds, deliberately avoiding her clit every time. His pace is torturously slow and she clenches her teeth together, silently hoping he'll stop tormenting her and give her the release she aches for. When her hips arch involuntarily off the bed, he pins her back down. Keeping her thighs pressed firmly in place on the mattress, he continues to work her into a frenzy. He brushes the tip of his tongue over her clit with a feather-light touch that is only meant to tantalize her, but he hears her breath hitch and feels his cock stiffen against the sheets below him.

Fitz could easily coax an orgasm out of her this way, with his tongue alone, but right now he needs to _feel_ her. Thankfully the feeling is mutual; Olivia pushes her legs wide apart and gently draws him up to her lips. Her hand slips between them and she curls her fingers around his erection, smoothing precum down his length as she strokes him, kissing with such intense passion it makes his head spin and he finds it hard to breathe.

"Fitz…" She exhales breathlessly, nipping softly at his bottom lip. "I'm not on birth control… Do you have any condoms?"

"Mmm." He hums into her mouth, continuing to kiss her until he can finally bring himself to break away.

As he leans over to the nightstand, she can't help but wonder how long he's had the drawer stocked and if he's ever had another woman in this bed with him. He must be able to see that her thoughts had drifted elsewhere because he lifts her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his.

"Hey, where did you go?" Fitz's voice is soft and full of concern.

"Sorry, I'm right here." Olivia forces a smile that doesn't quite meet her eyes.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He caresses his thumb over her cheekbone. He hadn't called her 'baby' for the longest time and it makes her heart race faster.

"It's nothing, I shouldn't –" She trails off and drops her gaze from his, afraid to let him see the vulnerability in her eyes. "I just couldn't help but think you might've had someone else in here with you. I know I have no right to be jealous but…"

He cuts her off, sealing her lips with a tender kiss then presses his forehead against hers. "Never. Only you."

Her hands slide into his hair as she melts into him, tilting her head up to kiss him sensuously. She's vaguely aware of him fumbling to tear a condom out of its wrapper, and then he rolls it down his stiff length and guides himself to the wetness pooling between her thighs.

At the first push of his cock inside of her tight opening, she lets out a shuddering breath of air she didn't know she'd been holding. "Can we take it slow, Fitz? It's been a while…"

"Yeah…" He agrees in a low, breathy voice that makes her pulse quicken. He inhales deeply and nods as she braces herself against him, gripping onto his shoulders. "Okay."

Inch by inch, Fitz feels the heat of Olivia's body clenching around him. A low, drawn-out moan sounds from her throat when he's buried deep inside her. She feels him begin to pull his hips back, slowly easing his cock out as he kisses her throat, sucking and nipping at the delicate skin there.

"C'mon Livvie, relax." He sighs, his breath fanning over her hot skin. When he pushes himself back inside her a little deeper than before, she arches her body beneath him and exhales out deeply. "Does that feel good?"

"Mmm, so good," She whispers, unable to hide the way her body trembles with need; her eyes are almost black when they met Fitz's, dilated with an all-consuming hunger for nothing but _him_. "Don't stop... _Please_."

Fitz half smirks then answers Olivia's request with a well-aimed thrust at her g-spot and she inhales a sharp gasp, eyes rolling back into her head. In the years they'd spent apart, on lonely nights her thoughts had always drifted back to times when they were together like this. She's quickly realizing that her memory hasn't exactly been serving her well enough because _nothing_ she'd ever imagined compares to how much better the reality was. She used to think Fitz was perfectly designed for her; his mind, body and soul were so in tune with her and her needs that the idea that it was coincidental seemed ridiculous. It crosses her mind – as he makes love to her gently, hitting that sweet spot inside of her with every roll of his hips – that that has never been more true than right now.

When Olivia feels Fitz pull out and his hands reach for her waist, pulling her to sit up in his lap as he changes positions, she hisses between her teeth and flinches instinctively at the pain of pressure being applied to her bruises beneath Fitz's fingertips.

"Fuck – am I hurting you?" His eyes were wide with alarmed concern.

She shakes her head softly. "It's… It's fine."

"I did hurt you though, didn't I?" Fitz's words have a new, deeper meaning. He tilts Olivia's chin up with the tips of his fingers, locking his gaze on her.

"Yeah…" Olivia murmurs as Fitz brushes his thumb over her bottom lip. Tears shine in her eyes. "But it's okay. I hurt you too."

"I'm sorry, baby." He leans down, pressing his lips to hers over and over, kissing her with intent. "I'm so… so… sorry."

Olivia can't stand to hear the guilt in Fitz's voice and she holds him closer, curling her legs around his hips and pressing her chest to his. The words die on his lips as she kisses him back with everything she has and he pulls her deeper into his lap to push himself back inside of her. He's trying to move slow and make it last, but the way she's lifting her hips and rocking them against his with every thrust is making it impossible to hold back. He feels her thighs quivering when the head of his cock presses against her g-spot again and she arches her back, biting hard on her bottom lip to suppress a needy whine.

"Want me to – _ah, fuck_ – touch you?" Fitz exhales huskily between low moans, feeling her body tightening around him.

"Oh god, _please_." Olivia begs, eyes fluttering to a close as his hand slips between them, immediately finding her clit and circling it with his fingertips, trying to match their rhythm.

He dips his head to line her exposed throat with hot kisses. She drags her nails down his spine and he sinks his teeth into the side of her neck, muffling a loud groan as he feels his orgasm nearing.

"Oh Fitz… _Fuck_." She whimpers, pushing her hips down against him, desperately taking as much of him as she can; clearly she isn't going to last much longer either.

Fitz claims Olivia's open mouth, swallowing her feverish gasps and moans. Every inch of her body squeezes tighter around him as he rocks up into her faster, groaning loudly against her lips. When her head falls back and she begins to unravel, a near scream vibrates from her lips and he watches her fall apart; it's the most beautiful vision he's ever had the pleasure of seeing and one he'll never tire of, even years later. He can't hold off any longer and comes with a broken cry, digging his fingers into her hips.

Fitz pauses for a beat to catch his breath, pressing his lips to Olivia's one last time in a soft kiss. He gently leans her back and eased his length out of her slowly, eliciting a soft whimper from her throat at how oversensitive she is. He stumbles into the bathroom for a moment and when he returns to the bed, having disposed of the used condom and cleaned himself up, her eyes are half lidded and her breathing is steadying as the aftershocks of her intense orgasm pass. He reclaims his spot beside her and she curls into his side; her hand slides over the contours of his chest before settling on his collarbone. As he turns his head he's met with her warm brown eyes, already staring back at him.

"Hi."

Fitz can see the way Olivia falters for a second, then a heart-stopping smile spreads across her face as she responds in kind, "Hi."


	8. Chapter 8

When Olivia wakes in the morning (at least, she assumes it's still morning; she hasn't slept so well in _years_ ), she aches. Not in the way she has done each day since the accident, due to her injuries; it's a pleasurable kind of pain, the kind that instantly reminds her of how Fitz had made love to her the night before. It wasn't just a meaningless screw... It can't be. It was never just about sex with them and she's sure that hasn't changed.

A smile touches her kiss-swollen lips before she's even opened her eyes, but it quickly fades when she slides a hand out over the mattress in search of naked skin, only to find nothing but cold, empty sheets. Sure enough, when her eyes flutter open, she's alone in bed. She throws back the covers and is instantly relieved to find Fitz had moved her suitcase into the room while she'd slept, so she walks through to the bathroom to get ready for the day. After a quick shower, she throws on a chunky white sweater dress over a pair of wool tights and finishes off by applying light makeup, just a little concealer, a slick of tinted balm and a couple coats of mascara.

The house is quiet when she steps out of the room and Olivia tries to ignore the feeling of anxiety stirring in the pit of her stomach. Hoping she'll find Fitz in the kitchen, she wanders down the hall. Abby is already sitting at the breakfast bar, surrounded by folders and paperwork, but Fitz is nowhere to be seen.

"Good morning… Or shall I say afternoon?" Abby smirks, glancing up from the file she's going over as Olivia walks into the kitchen.

"You're back." Olivia states and it sounds more like a question.

"The snow eased up and we've got a ton of work to catch up on," Abby explains and lifts her mug of coffee to her lips. She narrows her eyes as she takes a sip. "Besides, I was worried about you."

"Me? I'm fine."

Abby arches a skeptical brow. "I can see that _now_. But last night…"

"I should've called you back. I got caught up…" Olivia can feel a blush rising to her face.

"Well, you're a lot more discreet about it…" Abby pauses, absently opening another folder up. "But I had my suspicions when I saw Fitz earlier."

"Suspicions about what?"

"That you two ended up sleeping together," When Olivia remains silent and her cheeks turn pinker, Abby continues. "And judging by that huge hickey you've got there, I guess I was right."

Olivia breathes out a quiet laugh as she sheepishly tugs at the neckline of her sweater in an attempt to hide the mark Fitz had left on her. "How did he seem? Is he okay?"

Abby opens her mouth to speak but she's interrupted by the sound of the door opening down the hall and Rufus comes bounding into the room, immediately nudging at Olivia's hand for a pet.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Abby raises her brows and lifts her shoulders in a shrug, making no attempt to hide the grin on her face.

Olivia can't ignore the way her heart races a little faster as she hears footsteps growing closer. When Fitz enters the room they fall into an expectant silence, waiting for somebody to break the tension.

"Fitz." Olivia dares to speak first, a shy smile touching her lips.

"Hey," Fitz responds with a smile of his own.

"Can we… talk?" She swallows, nerves getting the better of her.

"Sure. Abby, can you work from home today?" Fitz turns his attention to Abby, who has been watching them intently since they locked eyes.

"Of course. Let me know if you need anything." Abby hastily gathers her things while Olivia follows Fitz to the living area, Rufus trailing behind them.

As she settles on the couch next to Fitz and Rufus slumps in a heap at their feet, she's all too aware of the smirk being worn by Abby as she leaves the house, closing the heavy door behind her. When they're finally alone, Olivia is the one to break the silence again.

"So… How are you feeling?" She asks with an air of hesitance as she watches Fitz, carefully trying to study his expression. "I mean… After last night…"

"Last night meant a lot to me." Fitz begins slowly, as if he's still processing what happened between them.

"But?"

"What makes you think there's a 'but'?"

"You left me in your bed, Fitz…"

"I didn't wanna wake you. I figured you could use some rest…" He pauses and when she lifts her eyebrows expectantly, he drops his shoulders in defeat. "Fine. I freaked out a little too."

"You know, I didn't expect things to immediately go back to how they were just because of what happened between us," She states simply, cupping his jaw with a gentle hand. Her thumb grazes over his cheekbone. "As much as I still want you, I know it's not that easy."

Fitz sighs, leaning slightly into her gentle caresses. And then he appears to catch himself. "I need time."

"Okay." Olivia's shoulders sink and she drops her hand into her lap. "So, what? You want me to give you space?"

"No, Olivia… No." He finds himself reaching out for her again, already missing her touch. He curls his fingers around her wrist, then exhales deeply with a troubled frown adorning his face. "I don't know what I want… But I don't want you to avoid me."

"Okay. We can take things slow. At your pace." She murmurs softly with a gentle smile. "I'll wait for you."

"You sound so sure of yourself…" He tilts his head to one side, staring intently at her.

"Well…" Her smile falters and she lifts her shoulders in a shrug. "I have to be. I can't stand the thought of us not ending up together… I think it would kill me if that happened."

He nods gently in understanding as he threads his fingers between hers. _Of course_ he knows that feeling – he's told her enough times in the past.

"And you're patient enough to wait for me to figure things out?"

"Of course. I'll wait as long as it takes." Olivia hesitates, her eyes fixed on their entwined fingers. "You know, I think I was supposed to be in that crash."

"What the fuck? Don't say things like that, Liv." Fitz snaps and she raises her head to meet his gaze at his hurt tone. He feels his chest tightening at the thought that it could be some form of twisted fate that was the cause of the accident.

"I don't mean it like _that_ … But it forced me to realize how much I needed to patch things up with you and I wouldn't be here now if it hadn't happened. It would've hurt me more to live without ever seeing you again than any car crash could..." She trails off with a shudder, the thought alone of a life without Fitz is too much to bear and it's too painful to absorb. "Whatever happens I'm glad I had a chance to make things right with you."

"Me too," He says in a murmur as he loops his arms around her, pulling her closer until she's sitting in his lap.

"I think I'll go back to D.C. tomorrow." She utters after a while, toying with the collar of his shirt.

"You don't have to leave, Livvie." His brows draw together and she pretends she can't hear how dejected he sounds.

"No, but I should." She's trying to convince herself as much as she's trying to convince him. "Besides, Quinn's past her due date now and she's going to need help when the baby arrives."

"I guess you're right."

"Let's just enjoy our the rest of our time here together." Olivia's voice comes out in a whisper and she buries his face into Fitz's chest, trying to ignore the painful lump that forms in her throat at the idea of saying goodbye.

When his arms tighten around her, it crosses her mind that maybe he feels the same and being apart is going to be just as hard for him.

* * *

Olivia's breath catches in her throat when she looks up as Fitz emerges from the bathroom, wearing just a pair of boxers, hair still damp from the shower.

She's even more convinced that this is a bad idea, sharing a bed for their last night together. After talking more that afternoon they'd agreed to refrain from having sex again, out of fear it'd cloud his judgment. She just wants him to arrive at his own conclusion about their relationship and his feelings for her without their sexual attraction interfering with that.

But there's something that feels so undeniably wrong for them to sleep in separate beds. Following a long night of dinner, movies, and popcorn, Fitz had wordlessly taken her hand and pulled her to her feet, leading the way to the bedroom down the hall that would've been theirs. He'd mumbled something about needing a shower, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then left her to get ready for bed. She'd slipped into some ivory silk pajamas and climbed into bed, waiting for him.

And now, with Fitz walking across the room to her, Olivia is beginning to regret the decision to get into his bed. She can barely take her eyes off of his sculpted chest.

"Hi." A knowing smirk teases at the corners of his mouth.

She meets his stare, subconsciously swiping her tongue along her bottom lip. "Hi."

"It's going to be a challenge, keeping my hands off of you." He utters lowly, making no attempt to disguise the lust in his voice.

"Fitz… We can't. We agreed." Her voice comes out in a whisper, her attempt to protest against him is weak, but she knows it's going to make leaving in the morning so much more difficult. She pulls the sheets back and swings her legs off the side of the bed. "Maybe I should sleep upstairs."

"Wait." Fitz catches her hand as she makes a move for the door. "Stay."

"Fitz –" Olivia sighs his name when he threads his fingers between hers. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"I just want to lay with you, Livvie." He declares in a quiet voice and suddenly he sounds vulnerable, almost lost. His eyebrows draw together in a soft frown. "I sleep better when you're in my arms."

It stirs something inside her and she finds herself nodding before she has a chance to hold back. "Okay."

Olivia slides back into bed and Fitz moves to the other side, switching off the lights before he joins her. They stares at each other in the dim light for a few quiet moments; her looming departure is weighing heavy on both of their minds and has left a somber air hanging between them. He edges across the mattress, closing the distance she had been desperately trying to keep between them.

"It's going to be strange not having you around," He whispers after a while, reaching out to push back her hair. "I've gotten used to having you back by my side."

"Likewise." She gives him a sad smile, leaning into his gentle caresses when he moves to stroke his hand along her jawline. She curls an arm around his torso and allows her fingertips to trace mindless patterns on his bare back, deliberately ignoring the part of her brain that's currently screaming at her to stop and get out of there while she still can.

"You should come visit me in here in a month or so."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I'd really like that."

Fitz's gaze drifts to linger on the outline of Olivia's lips for a brief second and then he pulls her close, tucking her head beneath his chin. With a deep sigh, he loops his arms around her shoulders and squeezes her for a brief second.

"Whatever happens… Just don't get distant with me, okay?" His voice tightens with emotion like he's holding back tears. "I couldn't go through that again."

"I'll call you every night." She presses her lips to his shoulder in a sweet kiss. "I promise, okay?"

"Good," He responds simply. He yawns and within a few minutes, his breathing becomes deep and even.

Olivia lies awake, trying to commit this moment to memory. There's something so soothing about the way their bodies still fit so perfectly together, she never wants to let go.

She must have drifted off at some point because when she opens her eyes, sunlight is peeking through the curtains. She realizes they'd switched positions during the night and Fitz's face is buried in her hair, his torso pressed snugly against her back and his strong arms wrapped around her body, giving her no chance to escape without disturbing him. Luckily she has no desire to go anywhere.

Olivia tries to remember the last time she'd woken up like this in Fitz's arms but she can't; she hadn't taken in all of those moments and it _kills_ her. The thought that in a few short hours she'll have to say goodbye to Fitz and fly back to D.C. is so painful it causes her eyes to sting with tears. She swallows against the painful lump in her throat and holds him closer, weaving her fingers between his against her stomach.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Fitz asks as the car pulls into the airport, beside the private jet that has been awaiting their arrival.

Olivia gives him a quick nod, attempting to mask her uncertainty. "I'll be fine."

"If you feel any pain at all, promise me you'll let one of my staff on board know and you'll call me, okay?" He orders firmly, eyeing her with concern.

"Sure… I'm fine though, seriously." She exhales a nervous laugh. The reality of having to leave is really hitting her now, her stomach twists uncomfortably.

"It isn't safe to fly with broken ribs, I shouldn't be letting you go." His forehead creases as his brows draw together in a frown.

"You don't have to worry about me." She shakes her head softly, trying to ignore the way her heart flutters in her chest at his concern. "You've already done enough for me, Fitz. It made sense when Abby was with me, but I didn't need to borrow your jet to fly home."

"I had to. I wouldn't dream of letting you leave in your condition otherwise." He sighs inwardly, clearly regretting his decision already. "You're sure about this?"

"Fitz, look at me. I'm fine." Olivia gently pinches his chin with her thumb and forefinger, forcing his gaze to meet hers. She pauses, chewing at her lower lip. "You should go. You've got a ton of work to catch up on, Abby's going to kill us _both_ if you keep procrastinating for me."

Fitz nods reluctantly. His expression changes into a look of discomfort and he lifts a hand to scratch at the back of his head. "This is weird, saying goodbye to you…"

"I know."

"It feels… _wrong._ "

"It won't last this time, I promise." She reaches for his hands and laces their fingers together, staring at him with unblinking eyes. "I'll come see you soon."

He opens his mouth to say something, then his gaze drops to her lips for a brief second and he clears his throat like he thinks better of it. "Okay."

"Do I get a hug goodbye?" She asks quietly, tilting her head to one side.

"Yeah, of course." He immediately pulls her into a tight embrace. Her arms curl around his neck and she hugs him back. His fingertips stroke at the base of Olivia's spine and he exhales a trembling sigh into her hair. "God damn it. I don't wanna let go."

"I know, this is harder than I thought it'd be." She agrees, her voice uneven as she fights to keep her emotions under control.

Olivia is the one to pull away first, knowing how much more difficult it would going to make things by holding on even a second longer. She lifts her gaze to meet Fitz's and sees the tears glistening his sad eyes; in the same instance it breaks her heart and fills her with hope.

"Hey, it's okay." She reaches up to cup his face with both hands, gently brushing away a tear as it escapes the corner of his eye with her thumb. She sniffs, feeling her own eyes filling with tears. "I thought I could deal with this, but…"

"I know." He murmurs then stares at her, chewing his bottom lip for a moment. "I want to kiss you but it's just going to make it even harder, isn't it?"

"Probably." She laughs through her tears, removing a hand from Fitz's face to wipe her own cheeks.

"Screw it." He leans back in, capturing her lips tenderly with his own.

Fitz kisses Olivia with intent and it's too much but not enough all at once. It's over sooner than either of them want it to be and leaves her feeling weak and lightheaded; she's grateful for the support Fitz is giving her in the form of a tight hug.

"You better call me as soon as you land." He murmurs in her ear. He's attempting to sound firm but his voice shakes with emotion.

"Of course." She squeezes him one last time before finally detangling herself from their embrace. "You can't keep Abby waiting for you."

"Yeah…" He agrees reluctantly, taking a second to breathe and regain some composure. "Have a safe flight, okay?"

"Thank you." The hint of a sad smile touches her lips and she resists the urge to reach out for his hand. "You better go… I'll call you."

"The second you land, okay?" He reiterates as he stares at Olivia intently. She gives him a reassuring nod and he breathes out a quiet sigh of relief. "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon." Olivia echoes softly and then leaves Fitz with a smile, stepping out of the car.

It takes every bit of self-control she has to not look back as she walks away. The second she takes a seat on the plane, she bites her bottom lip to hold back the fresh tears that threaten to spill down her face and tries to ignore the heavy ache in her chest.

* * *

 _ **A/N: When I started this I wasn't anticipating for it to be much longer than 10 chapters, but now that I've written about that much there's no way I'll be ending it there. I have a lot of ideas and plans but I'd still love to know what you'd like to see from this fic. Also please tell me what you thought of** **this chapter! It's a little longer than usual and I hope you liked it.**_


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia keeps her promise.

She calls Fitz as soon as he steps off the plane. And then she calls every day in the days that followed. After a week of 'I miss you's Olivia has arranged a visit back to Vermont.

They fall into a comfortable routine of daily texts and late night phone calls that usually end with Olivia falling asleep mid-conversation with Fitz. Ironically in the time they're being forced to spend apart, they've grown even closer until it feels like their relationship is slowly but surely healing. This time around they're both completely honest with each other; Fitz still needs time and isn't sure what he wants, but Olivia is patient and understanding of that. She has to keep the faith that he'll be able to see that she's changed and has nothing but love and devotion to give to him. Although she's made a silent vow to herself that she isn't going to push him, she'd decides she had to earn him, like he had with her countless times before.

After three weeks of being apart, Olivia's recovered from the crash well enough to be working daily as she throws together last minute plans for Quinn and Charlie's rescheduled wedding, following the birth of a gorgeous baby girl. She isn't able to call Fitz as often as she would like anymore, but when they do speak it feels like their conversations are more meaningful and their words have more weight behind them. One night, after not speaking for three days, Fitz calls as Olivia is finishing up at the office.

"A friend of mine asked if he could set me up on a date a couple days ago." He says quietly on the other end of the line.

"Oh." Olivia manages, sitting bolt upright in her chair. Her stomach twists with a sudden pang of jealousy.

"Yeah…" Fitz sounds like he's sighing, though Olivia can't be sure she's heard him correctly. "I told him I wasn't interested."

"You did?" She's glad that Fitz can't see the huge grin on her face, though she's sure he can hear it in her voice.

"Mmhm… I said I was seeing somebody." There's a pause. "Is that weird?"

She shakes her head instinctively. "No."

"It just feels right." He clarifies gently, exhaling a soft sigh. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." Olivia sinks back for a moment, her heart races erratically in her ribcage. "I can't wait to see you."

"Me too."

"Two more weeks." She states, a serene smile touching her lips. "I should go anyway, I'm still working."

"Livvie," Fitz's tone is stern but laced with apprehension. "You're supposed to be recovering, taking care of yourself."

"I know, I just had a late meeting with the caterers and I had to call about Quinn's dress alterations. There were a few things to wrap up work wise too, it's just Huck and I working now that Quinn's baby's arrived and –"

"Promise me you'll relax, take tomorrow off."

"Fitz…"

"Please. For me."

She feels her resolve weakening, his concern tugging at her heartstrings. "I'll come in at noon, okay?"

"Fine." He huffs quietly, clearly unsatisfied with her compromise. "But tonight take a bubble bath and unwind."

"That sounds nice." Olivia breathes, allowing her eyes to flutter to a close. Her body aches and she absentmindedly twists her ankle to try to relieve some of the pain in her foot caused by her beloved Louis Vuitton heels.

"I wish I was there to enjoy it with you." His deep, sultry voice sends a chill down her spine and she sits forward, leaning her elbows on her desk.

"And what would you do?" She draws her bottom lip between her teeth, silently cursing Fitz for having the ability to immediately get her so hot under the collar with just a few words.

"Well… Perhaps I'll tell you if you're a good girl and leave work now." Fitz utters darkly and she can almost picture the devilish smirk on his face.

Olivia rolls her eyes and laughed despite herself as she begins to pack up her things. "Fine. I'm going. I'll call you back in twenty."

She takes a few minutes to finish her remaining tasks and shut her laptop down. When she's done she pulls on her coat, throws her bag over her arm and makes her way through the office to the elevator. As the doors open her good mood evaporates and fear courses through her veins as she's faced with the _other_ man she's spent the best part of four years running from. Jake stands tall, eyes scanning her briefly before he gives her an unnervingly calm smile. He opens his mouth to speak but she gets there first.

"Get out," Olivia orders, her voice quiet and timid in such a way that it didn't sound like her own.

"I just want to talk." Jake steps towards her, lifting his hands up defensively.

"No. Get the fuck out before I call the cops." She edges back, away from him, when he takes another step. They both know her threat is futile, that no police officer is trained like he is.

"Liv, come on. You can't be serious!" He almost laughs, ignoring her warning and the look of panic in her eyes. "It's been four years!"

The similarity of his statement and Fitz's just a few weeks ago isn't lost on Olivia. "Doesn't that tell you something?"

"You can't _still_ be mad! I was drunk, I made a mistake." Jake takes another step closer, nearly backing her into a corner but she dodges out of the way.

"A mistake?" Tears prick her eyes and she stares back at him, horrified. Of all the words to describe what Jake put her through, 'mistake' isn't one that Olivia would use.

"That wasn't me, Liv. I've changed. I want to make you see that." He grabs her wrist and that is the final straw; he hasn't changed at all.

Olivia snatches her arm out of his grip and backs into the elevator, closing the doors and slamming her hand on the lever before he has a chance to stop her. When she reaches the parking lot she dashes over to her car and jams her key in the ignition, pulling out as quickly as she can. Her vision blurs with unshed tears but she keeps driving, her fingers wrapped so tight around the steering wheel that her knuckles turn a shade paler. She'd naively assumed that she'd never see Jake again, that it was safe for her to be back in Washington again; so much time had passed, she hadn't expected to run into him and she'd believed that he would've given up trying to find her long ago. But she was wrong about everything.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the jarring sound of her ringtone. After fumbling with one hand to dig her phone out of her bag, she takes a quick glance to see Fitz's name on the display and immediately answers his call, hitting the button to put him on speaker.

"I got bored waiting for you to call… Did you leave yet?" His smooth, teasing voice does little to quell the anxiety tearing through her chest, making her pulse race.

"I – I just left." Olivia is barely paying attention to where she's driving anymore; she'd passed her hotel long ago and hasn't stopped.

"Livvie? What's wrong?" Of course he can _already_ sense her unease; it's something of a skill he'd acquired early in their relationship, always intuitively knowing her mood by the sound of her voice alone.

"Jake… He came to the office." She can't hold back the sob that escapes her throat as tears cloud her sight, spilling uncontrollably down her face.

"He what?" She can already hear the fury in his voice, but more than that is his deep concern for her. "Liv, where are you? Are you hurt?"

"He didn't hurt me," Olivia speaks between choking cries as she struggles to focus on the road. "I'm in my car, driving."

"Pull over."

"I can't –"

"I'm serious, Olivia. Stop driving and pull over. Now." Fitz isn't simply requesting she does as he asks, this is an order and she reluctantly signals, stopping at the side of the road.

"I've stopped." Olivia finally uncurls her fingers from the steering wheel to wipe away her tears.

"Okay, good. Is there somebody you can call to pick you up? Huck maybe? It's not safe for you to be driving right now, baby." He speaks to her in the most soothing, sweet tone, it causes her to heart swell in her ribcage.

"I can call Huck." She nods; he's right, she'd only just been in a car accident. She doesn't need to cause another one. "Will you… Will you stay on the line with me?"

"Of course, Livvie. Whatever you need."

Huck is there minutes after he gets her call and though her tears have dried, she's barely had any time to attempt to compose herself; he looks at her with sad, sympathetic eyes as he ushers her into his car, but he says nothing and drives her to her hotel, no questions asked. She hadn't ever dared to tell him the full extent of what had transpired between her and Jake, neither does she tell him that Jake is the reason for her current state of distress. There's no doubt in her mind that Jake's days would be numbered if Huck knew.

Olivia doesn't object when Huck walks her to her room; she's too drained and shaken to protest. He quietly reminds her to lock the door behind her, then once she's closed it and flipped the latch, she hears his footsteps fading away.

"Are you still there?" She asks as she lifts her phone back to her ear.

"I'm here," Fitz answers softly, immediately filling her with a sense of relief. "Are you okay?"

Olivia exhales a trembling sigh and shakes her head. "No."

"I'm going to call Abby and tell her to get the helicopter ready, I'm going to D.C. now."

"Fitz, stop. You can't."

"You shouldn't be alone right now."

She has to confess he has a point and there is no place in the world that she'd rather be than in his arms right now. As touched as she is, however, she also knows it's a bad idea and he can't drop everything for her as he had done countless times before. This time will be different.

"I'll be okay, Fitz… It's late, I'd be asleep by the time you arrived anyway. Just stay talking to me for a while?"

There's a pause at the other end of the line and she isn't sure he's still there, but then he quietly admits defeat, "Okay. I'll be here until you go to sleep."

"Thank you." Olivia utters as she undresses and slips into her pajamas, then climbs into bed. An uneven sigh sounds from her lips. "I can't believe he was there."

"If you don't feel comfortable or ready to talk I understand, but…" Fitz trails off and she can almost picture the torn look on his face.

"No, it's okay." She sank into her pillows, exhaling deeply to calm herself. "I should've explained things to you."

"What happened, Liv? When you left with him, what did he do to you?" He spoke tentatively, the pain and disbelief behind his words is clear; he can't understand that anybody, least of all Jake, could have the audacity to bring any harm to her.

"He wasn't always like this… For the first two months on the island he'd tried to be understanding but every day was a struggle. I was drowning in guilt and hating myself for what I'd done to you. Some days that were better, but most days I could barely manage to get out of bed. I was plagued by dreams of you every night. I'd wake up in tears, crying out your name." A lump forms in her throat as she tells him what she's been too paralyzed by fear to tell anybody else. "When we'd been on the island for three months, things changed. Jake was drinking more. Though I was slowly learning how to cope better, I guess he ran out of patience with me… And one night he snapped."

"Liv…" Fitz murmurs her name, he has no other words. He's rendered speechless.

"I woke from a nightmare for the first time in a week... He knew it was about you, he just saw red. He couldn't understand why three months had passed and I still hadn't moved on. But how could I? I think he'd imagined that without you in the picture, I'd fall in love with him, but I couldn't." Olivia pauses, taking a few calming breaths of air and she realizes she's crying again. She closes her eyes, willing her tears to stop; he doesn't deserve them. "He beat me so badly I blacked out. When I woke up he was gone… I was so scared, I thought I was going to die."

"If I ever see him again I'll kill him." He declares, his voice dangerously low. She doesn't doubt his threat for a second, she can hear his quiet fury.

"Fitz… I don't want that. He's not worth it." She lifts her hand to massage her forehead, attempting to relieve a headache she can feel looming already. "Promise me that if you ever see him, you won't do anything."

"Olivia –"

"No, I mean it. Please. I don't want his blood on your hands… Promise me."

She hears him breathe out an exasperated sigh. "Okay. Fine. I promise."

"Thank you." Olivia allows her eyes drift to a close as her anxiety begins to fade.

"When he came back to D.C. without you I never could've imagined what happened…" Fitz falls silent for a moment and she can tell he was deep in thought.

"Go on, whatever it is, you can ask."

"Had he ever laid his hands on you before?"

She swallows uncomfortably. "Once. When we shut down B613 he burst into my offices with a gun and pinned me against the wall with his hand around my throat, but… I still didn't think he was capable of more than that."

"Does anybody else know?"

"No. Just you." Olivia listens to him breathing quietly and tries to imagine he's there with her as she continues, "When I woke up alone, I didn't want to take my chances. I ran… Quinn eventually tracked me down but I couldn't come home, not when I found out Jake was back. I wanted to, wanted to come back to you, but I just couldn't face it... The idea of seeing him again terrified me. It still does."

"That's why you stayed away." Fitz states and he speaks with a sense of finality and understanding.

"I… I can't say for sure that I would've had the courage to come back sooner," She falters for a second, shaking her head softly. "But I would've tried."

He doesn't respond to that, instead choosing to change the subject. "Can I trust you to up security at your office, or do I need to send some of my burliest secret service guys to watch over you?"

"I'll get Huck on it, don't worry." His concern brings a tiny smile to her face.

"You better take a full day off tomorrow now." He orders, referring to their earlier conversation.

"I will."

"Good."

"I love you, Fitz." The words come from Olivia's lips so easily. It's almost impossible to imagine a time when she'd found it difficult to even say Fitz's name, let alone declare her love for him so effortlessly. "You don't have to say anything back, I just wanted you to know… I think I'm going to try to sleep now, anyway."

"I –" Fitz cuts himself off and he hesitates for a brief second. "I'll call you tomorrow… Sleep well, okay?"

"I will. Goodnight Fitz."

"Goodnight baby."

* * *

 _ **A/N: So there you have it! Hopefully, you'll understand more about Olivia's choices now that things with Jake have been explained. Thanks so much for all the feedback on the last update, it's really helpful and appreciated! I'd love to hear what your thoughts/feelings are on this chapter. And one last thing: I was debating making a Tumblr specifically for Scandal/writing, but I don't know if it's pointless because the show's ending? Let me know!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Hey! I decided to update a little earlier than usual, seeing as we're deprived of Scandal this week (and this is another longer chapter than usual, so I hope you like it). Just to clarify because it appears I've confused everybody: when I asked whether there was any point in making a blog on Tumblr for Scandal/writing I didn't mean I'd be quitting writing at all, I was just referring to the fact there's not going to be as much talk about the show once it's over. I really appreciate your support and sweet comments so much though! I have a few ideas for future fics but I really want to focus on finishing this one. I have an ending very clear in my head but it's a matter of getting from A to B, filling in the rest of the story. As always please let me know your thoughts/feelings/frustrations etc!**_

 _ **P.S. I did end up making a Tumblr - follow me at makingjaminvermont (yes, really... I'll probably change it later! lol)**_

* * *

A week passes and Quinn's rescheduled wedding day has arrived.

Olivia has been swamped with work and last minute preparations for the day, she's barely had a chance to speak to Fitz. They've exchanged a few texts when she's had a rare moment to spare, but it hasn't been enough. She's looking forward to nothing more than the following week when she'll be flying out to spend time with him in Vermont, but today she's busy filling the role of maid of honor.

Abby had texted her earlier that morning to let her know she'd be giving her a ride. A knock sounds at her door as she's standing in front of the mirror, checking out her reflection, smoothing out invisible wrinkles in her red dress. The plunging neckline dips low between the valley of her breasts and there's a slit that begins midway up her thigh, drifting down to the hem trailing at her feet. She's chosen to wear a pair of matching red, satin, Louboutin sandals. Her makeup is light, just a simple nude lipstick and a smudge of black liner to accentuate her eyes, and she's styled her hair in huge curls that tumble gloriously around her shoulders.

Another knock sounds and she rolls her eyes, then checks her appearance one more time before she crosses the room.

"Jesus Abby, will you just wait a second? I'm coming!" Olivia responds in annoyance as she unlocks the door and pulls it open.

To her surprise Fitz is standing in front of her, flanked by four secret service guys, dressed in a black Tom Ford tux that clings to every inch of his sculpted body in all the right ways. The top three buttons of his shirt are open, giving her a glimpse of his chest that makes her salivate. When she looks up, his eyes are practically undressing her as they roam over her body.

"Wow." He blinks a few times, drawing his gaze back to her face. "I was going to make a joke about you coming already but… I've got nothing. I have to admit I'm speechless."

"In a good way, I hope?" Olivia's lips curve into a shy smile.

"In a _great_ way." Fitz corrects her, allowing his eyes to drift to her cleavage for a second.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, unable to stop the dazzling grin from spreading across her face.

"Well, I heard you didn't have a date." He responds simply with a light shrug and a smirk teasing at the corners of his mouth as he steps forward to close the door behind him, then he snakes his arms around her waist. "And I missed you."

"You couldn't wait another week to see me?" It's Olivia's turn to smirk now. She stares up at him through dark lashes, reading the lust and hunger all over his face.

"Nope." Fitz watches her tongue swipe across her bottom lip.

"You can't crash my friend's wedding, Fitz." Her tone is teasing as she straightens the collar of his shirt, flattening her palms against his chest.

"You're telling me a former president of the United States isn't a welcome guest?" He raises his eyebrows playfully, biting back a grin.

"Seeing as you came all this way, I guess I'll make an exception." Olivia's manicured fingertips trace featherlight circles over his chest as she speaks. "What am I supposed to tell my friends when they ask why you're really here though?"

"I guess you can tell them," Fitz pauses, pretending to ponder his thoughts. "That I love you."

She lifts her brows at him and her heart skips a beat at the way he's gazing at with pure devotion in his deep blue eyes. "You do, huh?"

He nods gently, his mischievous smirk fades as his expression turns more serious. "I'm in love with you, Livvie."

"I'm in love with you too." She responds easily, to her own surprise the words tumble from her lips without a hint of hesitance.

Olivia barely has a chance to take a breath before Fitz claims her mouth with his. The kiss starts slow, then grows more heated as she presses him up against the door. When they were last together, it had all been on Fitz's terms but there's no hesitance from Olivia this time around; she isn't holding back, afraid of being pushed away. Her fears have evaporated now that she knows her feelings are completely reciprocated. A low groan sounds from Fitz's throat when she threads her nails through his hair and drews his bottom lip between her teeth, nipping softly. She feels his hands move from her hips to squeeze her ass and she gasps, breathless and weak at the knees after so long without his touch. When she feels him pulling away, an audible moan of frustration escapes her lips and her eyes flutter open.

"You have a wedding to get to." Fitz utters with a quiet chuckle as his hand slips into Olivia's. He pulls her towards the door and she grabs her clutch bag as they head out.

* * *

When Fitz had arrived hand in hand with Olivia, there had been a few glances exchanged and whispers murmured between the select few guests attending and the members of staff working at the wedding, but he'd brushed it all off. Abby could hardly wipe the smirk off her face as she showed Fitz to his seat, before promptly whisking Olivia away to her old office, where Quinn was getting ready.

"So let me get this straight: you brought your _boyfriend,_ the goddamn former President of the United States, as your date?" The conversation has quickly turned to Fitz's presence and somehow it's more shocking that he's being referred to as official with Olivia, than the previous leader of the free world.

"Quinn, you're getting married today and _this_ is what you wanna talk about?" Olivia asks with an incredulous laugh as she takes a sip of her champagne. "It's not a big deal."

"It's a _huge_ freakin' deal, Liv!" Quinn exclaims animatedly, eyes wide.

"You should've seen the two of them at Fitz's house, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife." Abby's tongue runs along her teeth. "I tried to get all the juicy details from Fitz but he wouldn't give me _one_ , not even when I made all the last minute arrangements for him to come here today. What happened?"

Olivia hides a smile. "And what makes you think I'll be any less secretive?"

"You owe me, Liv. C'mon!" Abby pleads as she tops up Olivia's glass with more champagne, trying to bribe her to spill.

"We spent a lot of time doing some talking, some arguing..." Olivia's eyes glaze over for a second, her thoughts drift to the night of passion they'd shared. "Some making up… And now we're back together."

"You've gotta give us more than that!" Abby shoots her a teasing glare.

"Yeah, come on Olivia. Tell us!" Quinn pipes up, polishing off the last of her champagne in one mouthful. "Was it as good as you remembered?"

Olivia rolls her eyes but can't stop a breathy giggle from gracing her lips. "It was different…"

"Different?"

"It was like coming home. Everything felt so right… But we were both so hesitant." A blush rises to her cheeks as she speaks and she averts her gaze from Quinn. "It wasn't ever like that before."

At that moment they're interrupted by a knock at the door from the man himself. Fitz pokes his head around the door, the hint of a smile on his face.

"Sorry to interrupt, ladies." His gaze shifts between Abby and Quinn before settling on Olivia. An uncontrollable grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. "The photographer wants to know where to set up, Livvie."

"I'll be right there." Olivia finds herself beaming back at him.

He nods and turns to leave, but instead fixes Quinn with a smile. "You look beautiful by the way, Quinn."

"Uh, th-thanks." Quinn stammers, momentarily awestruck by a man she'd seen stride into their offices many times, but had never acknowledged her directly. The evident shock on her face is enough to make Olivia stifle a laugh by swallowing a mouthful of champagne.

Fitz flashes Olivia a smirk, then closes the door behind him.

"He's got it _bad_ for you, Liv," Abby states and it's Olivia's turn to be coy and stunned speechless.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful – not that Olivia remembers much of it at all. She'd spent the entire time standing beside Quinn and Charlie as they declared their love for each other, but her gaze rarely left Fitz's, their eyes communicating more than words ever could.

To her surprise, Fitz had easily bonded with her friends – and they'd been welcoming of his presence not only at the wedding but in her life too. The most shocking revelation of all was how well he was apparently getting along with Huck, however. Towards the end of the day, she spots them deep in conversation outside of the conference room that was serving as a makeshift wedding reception. Her interest peaks but she doesn't disturb them; it's enough of a blessing that Huck hasn't been playing the role of her attack dog for once, she doesn't want to ruin that.

As Olivia watches them, she notes how serious Fitz's expression has turned. Curiosity is about to get the better of her when Quinn places her baby girl in her arms to have her first dance with Charlie. Olivia gazes down at the little bundle she cradles gently, surprised to find Robin staring up at her with bright blue eyes. She gurgles contentedly and bunches her tiny fist around Olivia's slender finger as her parents sway together a few feet away. Olivia's heart skips a beat and she marvels at how such a small creature, all pudgy cheeks and rosy lips, can captivate her with the simplest of gestures.

Olivia can feel Fitz's eyes on her before she lifts her head, but it still overwhelms her to the core when her gaze locks on his. The way he's looking at her with unadulterated adoration like she's his whole world again – like she _used to be_ – leaves her breathless.

* * *

"Fitz… We should talk first." Olivia sighs as Fitz pins her up against her hotel door, his lips and teeth grazing her throat.

The day had been nothing but foreplay, it had been quietly simmering under the surface since their reunion that morning and as soon as they left the offices it had exploded into an all-consuming fire. She'd sensed his craving for her and felt how aroused he was in his touch when he'd clasped his fingers around hers and they'd said their goodbyes, wishing Quinn and Charlie well; his calm voice and courteous smile hadn't fooled her. And he'd launched his passionate assault on her lips as soon as she slid into the backseat of the car beside him to drive back to her hotel. His hands were everywhere as he'd pulled her close, kissing her urgently. It was only during the short walk from the car through the lobby to the elevator that their lips parted.

And now Fitz has Olivia pressed against the door, his hands digging into her hips so tightly she's sure to find bruises in the morning. He ignores her weak attempts to object, unbuttoning his shirt and trailing openmouthed kisses along the side of her neck, sucking at her pulse point. That's her undoing; she feels her resolve was fading fast. He reclaims her mouth and his kisses are filled with all the heat and passion and hunger that has built up in the last month. Olivia's own state of arousal is clouding her senses, she finds herself kissing him back with just as much urgency. When his hands move to squeeze her ass, she braces herself with her arms around his shoulders and lifts her thigh to wrap it around him.

"I want you. I need…" Fitz trails off, getting lost in her sweet kisses. "Need to taste you."

Before Olivia can respond he picks her up, pulling her other leg around his hip. He carries her across the room and places her on the edge of the bed, standing between her thighs. She sighs again, laying her hand on his bare torso, flexing her fingers against his taut muscles.

"Fitz, I want you too. Badly. But we need to talk, figure things out." She protests softly, biting down on her lower lip. She's trembling with desire and aching for his touch, but somebody has to be sensible and slow things down… right?

"We have plenty of time to talk later." Fitz lowers himself to kneel at her feet. His hands run up her thighs, brushing her dress aside. "I've been thinking about tasting you all day long," He demonstrates his point by lifting one of her legs over his shoulder and tracing his lips along the inside of her thigh. "Actually, that's not entirely true. I've been dreaming about this for the past month, been wanting to eat you out since the night we spent together. I can't tell you how many nights I had to take a cold shower and talk myself out of flying out to spend just a few hours with you."

"Really?" Olivia shivers as he chuckled quietly against her skin. Trying to be the level-headed one is proving to be more and more difficult, especially when she feels his hot breath ghosting over her drenched panties. "You did?"

"God, yes." He growls low in his throat and she inhales a gasp at his need for her. "Haven't you thought about me like that?"

"I lost count of the number of times I found myself looking at flights, contemplated taking a weekend off to be with you…" She pushes herself up off the mattress when his fingers hook under the waistband of her lace thong and he tugs it down her legs. "But I knew I had to be patient and give you time… I've gotta admit my vibrator got a real workout while I waited for you though."

" _Livvie_ …" Fitz groans deeply and she bites back a grin, pleased that she's been able to tease him with a visual of her desire for him. "You'll have to show me sometime, but for now…"

His sentence ends there; he's already pushed her thighs wide open and has no intention of stopping now. He pries apart her folds with his tongue and sucked each of them into his mouth, nibbling gently before getting a real taste and delving deeper. His tongue barely dips inside her and he feels the slight tremor in her hips as she fights against the reflex to jerk against his face. Her nails scrape through his soft curls and she lies back, submitting herself to him.

Olivia's eyelids fall shut when Fitz trails a torturously slow path along her slit with his tongue, just skimming lightly over her clit. It's enough to elicit a soft gasp from her as her back arches and she curls her legs around his shoulders, locking him in place. With every swipe of his tongue against her, she holds her breath, only exhaling out a shudder when he occasionally gives her what she wants, swirling it over her clit. He keeps his pace slow. _Too slow_. Using just his mouth and his firm hands gripping her hips, holding her in place, he's making her lightheaded, dizzy with craving and he _knows_ it; she tugs roughly at his hair, wordlessly asking him for more.

Fitz continues his delicious torture on Olivia with his tongue, focusing all of his attention on her clit. Through her haze of desire, she just barely registers when he pulls one hand from her hip. It's only when she feels two of his fingers pressing inside of her that her eyes flash wide open and her head snaps up; she finds him already staring up at her darkly, smirking against her clit.

"Fuck…" Olivia gasps softly, mentally swearing she's never been so turned on and hungry for him in her life.

Without taking his eyes off of her, he curls his fingers up against her g-spot and she throws her head back, clenching her teeth together to stifle the hot moans coming from her throat. Her spine curves up off of the mattress and he slides his other hand from her hip to press it flat against her stomach, forcing her to lie back. At this point, she's absolutely convinced that he's trying to _kill_ her; the way he suddenly starts sucking on her clit is _sure_ to be the death of her.

" _Oh_ god… _Fitz_ – I can't. It's too –" Olivia is babbling, _whimpering_ and he has her teetering right on the verge of falling apart for what feels like an eternity.

Instead of responding with words Fitz hums against her clit and that sends her spiraling over the edge. She cries out loudly as he coaxes her orgasm out of her, drawing out the aftershocks with his lips, tongue and fingers. She's a quivering mess when she finally releases her death grip on his hair and pushes him away weakly. He crawls on top of her to kiss her slowly; she can taste herself on his tongue.

"Wanna take a shower with me?" He murmurs lowly against her lips, staring down at her with those deep blue eyes.

"Give me a minute." Olivia nods after a while and he chuckles at her breathless, sated state.

Fitz gives her a final chaste kiss on her lips and makes his way over to the bathroom, leaving her to recover a little. She reluctantly sits up and removes her heels. When she hears the water turn on she drags herself to her feet and stumbles a little through the open door, knowing she can only blame the man who's stripping out of his tux beside her for her current instability.

"Unzip me?" Olivia asks him as she stands in front of the mirror, resting her hands either side of the sink.

Fitz comes to loop an arm around her waist from behind and kisses along the soft curve of her neck as he peels her dress away. No words are spoken as he presses their naked bodies together and she sighs out, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. She feels his hands move down her stomach and his fingertips skim over her hipbones.

"Get in the shower," Olivia mumbles, breaking away before he can touch her more intimately.

Fitz hides a smirk but does as he's told and she soon joins him when she's removed her makeup. Her arms come to wrap around his neck as she pulls him in for a long, sensuous kiss.

"You know… I'm back on birth control, Fitz." She slips a hand between them to curl her fingers around his throbbing erection, hiding a smirk when he jerks under her touch. "We don't have to be so careful now."

"Liv…" He warns softly, his eyelids drooping and jaw tightening as she swipes precum down his length. "Liv, stop… _Livvie_ –" In an instant, he has her hands pinned above her head on the tiled wall. "Stop."

"This could work too." Olivia bites her bottom lip and snakes her thigh around his hip, drawing him close.

"I want to take my time making love to you. So _let me_." Fitz growls out and she can tell from the dark look in his eyes he wants more than just a quick fumble in the bathroom; he wants to _really_ make up for the month they've gone without skin-on-skin contact.

"Okay." She relents finally; he releases her from his firm grip.

Showering without giving into temptation proves to be difficult. Especially when he begins kissing any inch of her skin that his lips come into contact with. He kisses her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, her throat, her chest and he pays extra attention to the deep scars from the car crash that have healed on her arms.

In a moment of tenderness, Fitz presses his forehead against Olivia's and kisses her delicately.

"I'm so glad you're okay." She's heard it from him many times before, but this time it holds a different kind of weight behind it. "I couldn't live without you, Olivia. I love you so much, I can't bear it."

Olivia understands; she loves Fitz so much that she _aches_.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long! My laptop's been having issues and I had to rewrite this chapter twice because it crashed and then my file was corrupted.**_

 _ **Hope you enjoy it anyway!**_

* * *

After their shower, Fitz can't contain himself any longer. His fingers dig into Olivia's ass as he carries her back to the bed and gently lowers her onto the mattress. He settles between her legs, kissing her deeply and passionately, with no restraint; she's sure she could never get enough. She feels one of his hands trail over her stomach and move to her center as he makes sure she's ready for him.

"Give it to me." Her voice is so sex drunk and breathless with seduction, it doesn't even sound like her own. She claws at his back with manicured nails and gasps when his thumb grazed over her clit. "Want you."

Fitz doesn't need to be asked twice; his lips find the spot below her ear that makes her writhe as he rocks into her. It starts slow and sensual, with him taking his time to make her feel good and it makes her wonder if when he'd shown up that morning, he'd vowed to not only tell her he loved her but _prove_ just how much, too. There's something so familiar and comforting about it; they're totally in sync with each other, matching their rhythm perfectly. But it isn't nearly enough.

"You don't have to be so gentle with me, baby." Olivia purrs lowly after a while, scraping her nails up his spine to bury them in the damp curls at the nape of his neck. "I'm better now… You can be rough – if you like..."

Fitz sinks his teeth into her neck and stills his body against hers. "Is that what _you_ would like?"

"Uh – I…" She lets out a trembling breath, hugging her thighs tighter around his torso.

"Tell me, Livvie." He growls as he draws her earlobe between his teeth and nips softly.

"Please. I want it rough." Olivia's squirming beneath him, desperate for him to start moving again. " _Please_."

Suddenly Fitz pulls out and kneels up on the bed, his hands tap against her hips. "Up. I wanna take you from behind."

He watches her flip over and get on her knees in front of him, leaning down to rest her head on her forearms in front of her. His hands run up the curve of her back and slide back down to the base of her spine. She's about to throw him an impatient glance over her shoulder when she feels his palm slap down against her ass. She draws in a sharp breath through her teeth and a slow grin spreads across her face. Another spank on her other cheek comes a little harder than the first and she has to stifle a moan. With every slap that lands on her ass, he earns a gasp of pain and a whimper of pleasure from her parted lips. He loses count after the fifth or sixth spank but when her hands move to grip onto the sheets and she flexed her hips back, ready and waiting for his next hit against her reddened cheeks, he can't wait anymore.

Fitz thrusts his cock deep into her and causes a guttural moan to sound from low in her throat. Olivia feels his fingers run up her back to tangle in her damp curls and then with his other hand laid flat on her stomach, he pulls her by her hair to kneel up with him. Holding her firmly against him, he begins to rock into her, setting a strong, steady pace. As he claims her neck with his teeth, angling her head back to rest on his shoulder to get better access, she moans softly and tries to keep up with him.

"Missed you… _so_ much." Olivia gasps out, pushing her hips back to meet his to help him go deeper, faster, harder.

Fitz frees his hand from her soft curls and drops it to squeeze her breast, pinching her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, forcing another husky moan from her lips. His mouth curves against her shoulder into a smirk. "Missed you too."

They stop talking after that. Their rhythm picks up and Fitz is pounding into her, hitting that sweet spot inside of her that makes her cry out with every thrust. Olivia takes his hand spread out on her stomach and drags it down between her thighs. He lets her guide him and show him how she wants him to touch her. His fingertips strokes her clit in tiny circles and her body clenches impossibly tight around him; she isn't going to be able to hold on for much longer. She whimpers helplessly and reaches behind, burying both her hands in his hair.

An intense, drawn-out groan leaves Fitz's throat. "Feels so good… I'm gonna come."

Olivia's lips part and a near scream escapes her as she climaxes, shaking through it. Her inner muscles flutter around his erection and squeeze him until he buries his face in the soft juncture between her neck and her shoulder. His orgasm wrecks him and he muffles a deep grunt against her heated skin, panting and shuddering as he spills inside her.

Fitz carefully disentangles himself from her and turns her trembling body over in his arms. She allows him to pull her down to lie on his heaving chest as their breathing slows down. He trails a hand down her back to massage her ass, gently soothing her sensitive skin there.

"We should clean up," Olivia mutters after a while, wrinkling her nose a little at the uncomfortable stickiness between her thighs.

"Not yet," Fitz grumbles petulantly, folding his arms around her tighter. "Wanna cuddle now."

"We can cuddle all you want after!" She giggles, leaning down to kiss him softly before wriggling out of his grip to escape to the bathroom, where he reluctantly joins her a minute or two later.

After cleaning up Fitz gets his way; Olivia is contentedly curled up in his embrace, her head tucked in the crook of his neck.

"Can we talk now?" Her voice is low, like she doesn't want to disturb the comfortable silence they've fallen into.

He edges back slightly, studying her face for a moment. "If you really want to."

"I think we should…" Olivia sits up in bed, keeping a sheet wrapped around her. "We have things to discuss."

Fitz fixes her with a bemused look. "And what exactly do you want to talk about?"

"Listen… We have to be smart if we're going to make our relationship work. Things have to be different this time around." She continues, trying to keep her tone serious. "So tell me, what do you want?"

"I just want you." He states like it's the most obvious thing in the world and he reaches out for her waist.

"Fitz," She catches his hands in hers and settles them in her lap. "I mean it. We've never had a problem with the sexual side of our relationship, I'm talking about communication… If we're getting back together I want to do it right. What can I do to make you happy?"

Fitz looks a little taken aback for a second, then his eyes drift to the ceiling as he gives it more thought. "Make time for us. We've never had the luxury of both of us being more available."

"I can do that." Olivia nods. A faint smile touches her lips and she squeezes his fingers gently. "Anything else?"

"Well, this is a start but I think we have to be more honest with each other. If you love me, you can't hide things from me." His expression is pensive, his brows knit together.

"I know, you're right. I'm trying." Her eyes fall to their entwined fingers in her lap. "I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I want you to know everything…"

"Is there something you need to tell me?" He asks gently, sensing her hesitance to elaborate further.

"I'm sorry for denying my feelings for you for so long… I was just scared. _You_ scare me." Olivia's eyes turn glassy with unshed tears. Fitz lifts a hand to gently cup her jaw as she continues. "I spent this past month trying to fight it and it took me too long to admit to myself that I still love you... I never _stopped_ loving you."

"Livvie, it's okay. It's not easy for you."

"It's not okay… I want to change that though. You've always been so open with your feelings for me and I wish I could be the same." She shakes her head softly, exhaling a quiet sigh. "You _deserve_ to hear it more from me. It's just –"

"Difficult." He finishes for her with a small smile. "I know."

"I do though… I love you. You know that, right?"

Fitz pulls her back down to tuck her under his arm and presses his lips to her forehead in a sweet kiss. "Tomorrow you can fly back to Vermont with me early."

"Fitz, I'd love to but I can't. I have to work." Olivia sighs inwardly as she toys with the hairs on his chest.

"Actually I've taken care of that." He tells her simply and she cranes her neck to look at him with a questioning frown creasing her forehead. "I spoke to Huck. He said he's more than happy for you to do whatever work you can from Vermont. Unless… You don't want to come…"

"Don't be silly. Of course I do, baby." She bites back a grin and wraps her arms around his broad shoulders, pressing her face against his neck. "I was going to spend the week viewing apartments but I guess it can wait until I'm back."

"You're looking for a place in D.C.?"

"I can't keep living out of hotel rooms and suitcases now that I know for sure I'm sticking around."

"I guess. I still can't believe you sold your apartment though." Fitz utters wistfully and she can tell he's probably reminiscing about all the moments they'd shared in her old home as his eyes drift to a close.

"After six months of being away, I vowed I'd never come back, so it made sense to sell at the time… But now this is the perfect fresh start." Olivia's lips curve into a brilliant smile. "And we can make _better_ memories at my new place."

He hums quietly in agreement. When he's silent for a while, she figures he's fallen asleep and leans over to switch the bedside lamp off.

"Liv?" His voice sounds suddenly from the darkness, startling her a little.

"What?"

"Is there anything you want _me_ to do for _you_?"

Olivia contemplates his question; her own needs hadn't even crossed her mind, she just wants to make him happy.

"Just try to be patient with me… That's all I can ask for."

Fitz's arms tighten around Olivia and his lips find her forehead as he kisses her delicately. "Of course, baby."

* * *

As soon as Olivia steps through the front door, she's almost knocked off her feet by Rufus, excitedly jumping up to greet her. Fitz follows behind her, carrying her bags for her, ever the chivalrous gentleman.

"Hi, baby boy!" She's crouching down for Rufus, tousling his fur and pressing tiny kisses all over his head. "Did you miss me?"

Rufus barks in response, confirming the answer to her question and she giggles. Fitz frowns a little as he sets her bags down behind the couch.

"What about me, buddy? Aren't you pleased to see me?" He pats his legs, trying to beckon Rufus over to him.

"Don't be jealous, Mister." Olivia taunts him playfully and Rufus remains fixed in his position, contentedly sitting with her until she gives him a final ruffle of his ears then rises to her feet.

Fitz watches him trot out of the room without so much as a glance in his direction and he feigns offense. "So much for a nice welcome home."

"I can't help that he loves me more than you." Her heels click against the stone floor as she steps towards him and she slides her arms around his shoulders. "He's just happy to have his favorite back."

"I guess that makes two of us then." A lopsided grin tugs at his mouth and his arms circle her waist, pulling her flush against his chest.

"If I didn't have work to catch up on I'd give you the welcome home you deserve." Olivia utters with a faint smile, her eyes darkening when his hands slide down her back to cup her ass. " _Fitz_ –"

"You know damn well you're not getting away with teasing me like that." Fitz kisses her, sucking at her bottom lip and drawing it between his teeth to nip it softly. He feels her fingers thread through his hair and he smirks, knowing her resolve is fading. "Be a bad girl: put it off until later."

"I don't procrastinate for just any reason, I'll need some convincing." Olivia leans back in his arms to gauge his reaction. "And I'm still a little sore from last night…"

"Well, I guess I'll just have to be very, very gentle then." Fitz brushes his lips over hers so delicately she barely feels it.

"Give me twenty minutes to make some calls." Olivia relents, swiping her tongue at the corner of her lips as she tilts her head. "And then… I'll be all yours."

* * *

True to her word, twenty minutes after she's called Huck and a couple of their clients, she find Fitz waiting for her in the bedroom, just wearing his boxers, kneeling by the fire. He's lit candles, laid out a sheet for them on the rug and opened a bottle of wine; he beckons her over and patiently waits for her as she strips out of her clothes.

And now, Fitz is giving her the most sensual massage, working her tired muscles with his hands. Olivia's back arches as she exhales a deep sigh of pleasure. Of all the things she's missed about Fitz, this is one thing she hadn't realized how much she'd _needed_. Her body is aching for relief that only he can give to her.

"That feel good?" A tiny smirk touches his lips. He pauses to pour more massage oil onto her skin.

"Yes." Her eyes flutter to a close as he sweeps his palms down her spine and over her ass, gently rubbing the oil into her tender skin. "I forgot how talented you are with your hands."

"You should let me do this more often. Besides, you know I enjoy any opportunity to get you naked." He reasons with a quiet chuckle. He moves lower to massage her thighs.

"I may have to take you up on that offer, baby." Olivia's lips curve into a tiny smile when he begins to apply pressure to her tight muscles in all the right places, without being asked. "Nobody knows my body like you."

"You know, this is what I had in mind when I called you last week. I could've been there... If you'd let me." Fitz feels her tense up beneath his fingertips. They haven't spoken about Jake's unexpected appearance since it'd happened, but he's been waiting for a moment to bring it up.

"Fitz…"

"I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be." Her tone is harsher than she intends for it to sound.

"Liv –"

"I'm fine."

He heaves a sigh. "I know you're not. What he did to you, what you went through… It was unspeakable. You said it yourself, he destroyed you. That kind of damage doesn't just disappear."

"I don't want to talk about it right now." She throws a furtive glance over her shoulder at him.

"I know, sweetheart," Fitz speaks softly to her, like she's a timid bird ready to fly away. "But when are you ever going to _want_ to talk about it?"

Olivia's brows draw together in a troubled frown. "It's not something I even like to think about, let alone talk about."

"You don't have to pretend with me… I know seeing him must've reopened old wounds and brought back a lot of unwanted feelings for you." He resumes his massage as he speaks, smoothing his hands over her taut calves. "Just… Let me be here for you. I'll take care of you, okay? You just have to _let_ me."

"I know." She exhales quietly, blinking back tears that form in her eyes. "I was so scared. I wanted you there but I didn't want you to feel pressure to drop everything for me."

"I would never think like that, like you're a chore." Shaking his head, he continues rubbing firmly into her tired muscles. "Next time you're hurt or scared or upset, I'll be there."

"Okay." Olivia doesn't have the energy to fight him, especially when it's what she knew she needed.

Fitz is silent after that, working every knot and ache from the tips of her toes, back up to the base of her neck. Without being prompted, Olivia rolls onto her back and locks eyes with him as she reaches up to bunch a fist in his hair, tugging him down for a sensuous kiss. Her lips part with a soft sigh when he presses the heels of his hands in slow circles against her stomach. She lies back, letting him take over and finish massaging every inch of remaining untouched skin.

When Fitz finally cups her breasts, a hot, breathy moan shudders from Olivia's throat. His fingers are gentle, squeezing her supple flesh with just the right amount of pressure. Her spine arches and head tilts back, the feeling of him softly massaging her breasts is making wetness pool between her thighs. His thumbs draw circles around her stiffened nipples and her breath hitches.

"Fitz…" Her voice comes out in a needy whine. She reaches out to slide her hands up his thighs and hooks her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers. "Take these off. Now."

Fitz gladly obeys her order. He quickly removes his underwear and when he moves to press himself between her legs, she hooks her thigh over his hip and pins him on his back.

"I wanna ride you, wanna go slow."

Olivia's eyes are black with lust as she licks her lips, gazing down at him through dark lashes. Fitz swallows hard at her assertive, seductive tone, watching as she pushes herself up in his lap. Her hands wrap around his stiffening erection and his hips jerk as she finally touches him. She gently drags the tip of his cock along her slit, coating him with the evidence of own state of arousal, as if he needs proof of just how turned on she is.

" _Livvie_." A low growl of impatience escapes him and he places his hands on her thighs but doesn't push her, allowing her a rare moment of dominance over him.

"Shhh... In a minute. Just – _let me_..." She hushes his pleas as she dips her hips, sliding the head of his cock between her folds to rub against her clit.

Olivia moves slow, so slow, drawing ragged breaths panting from Fitz's lips. She has every intention of drawing out her relentless teasing; he's _convinced_ she's going to be the death of him. She feels him throb in her hands. Her thumb gathers the wetness leaking from the tip and she sweeps it down his length with masterful precision.

Fitz's short nails dig into her thighs as Olivia takes one of her hands and brings it between her thighs. With two fingers she circles her clit firmly and unhurriedly, staring at him with half-lidded eyes. It's torture for him, watching her touch herself and grind her hips down against her hand, but he refrains from taking control. Her mouth falls open as she moans in pleasure and he can't take his eyes off her.

When Olivia strokes him again with her free hand, she feels him tense for a brief second before he relaxes into it with a soft groan. She works him up and down, a few times before he lifts a hand to grasp her wrist, stilling her movements.

"Stop... _Ah Liv, please_ – I'm not gonna last if you keep that up." Fitz admits with a rueful smile and she finally concedes, guiding him to her slick opening.

They both groan when Olivia finally lowers herself onto him. The feeling of him plunging so deeply into her is enough to take the air out of her lungs and make her eyes slam shut. She allows herself a few seconds to adjust to him and just breathe before she begins to kneel up, taking his hands and threading her fingers between his. Her hips rock deep and slow over his in a controlled pace; he just has to grit his teeth and endure it.

All Fitz can do is watch Olivia's body writhe on top of him, her skin glistening with a mix of massage oil and sweat, illuminated by the fire. He's pretty certain he's the luckiest man alive.

Olivia pulls back for a second to tilt her hips, adjusting her angle to take him even deeper. Fitz lets out a shuddering moan as she sinks back down on him, holding her steady so she can use him for leverage. Her pace quickens almost imperceptibly but it's enough for him to grip her hands tighter and clench his jaw. Her head tips back with a moan when she arches herself, making him hit her g-spot with added pressure. The delicious friction of her body grinding on top of him is too much, too slow for him to remain still anymore. His hips snap up and she cries out, trembling at the feeling of him buried so deep inside her. He misses her lips, craves the taste of her tongue; with a gentle tug on her hands, he pulls her down against his chest to kiss her fervently.

" _Livvie, baby_..." Fitz murmurs into her mouth, breathing her in.

Before she can allow herself to get too lost in his kisses, Olivia uses his flat stomach to push herself up so she's straddling him again. Her pace picks up and he meets her rhythm, thrusting up into her with every roll of her hips, feeling her pulse and quiver around him.

"Fitz, I need – _oh_..."

Her soft plea is cut off when Fitz lays his palm against her lower abdomen, rubbing her clit with his thumb. He can feel her stomach pulling tight beneath his fingertips and her back arches as she loses what little control she still has, climaxing hard with a breathless cry. And suddenly the pressure of her body overwhelming his is too much; he moans throatily as he finds his release. As they come down their intense lovemaking, he moves to roll them over with ease and settles between her thighs.

"Told you the fireplace was a good idea. Love making love to you in front of it." Fitz mumbles against her lips and she hums in agreement. He drops a hand down to squeeze her ass playfully. "I should spank you more often if it means you ride me like that."

"Mmm, you should." Olivia's lips curve into a dreamy smile. She lifts her chin to trail lazy kisses along his jawline. "Want me to draw you a bath?"

"Only if you'll join me. I want you naked for at least… three days?" He muses with a smirk as her fingers weave in his hair, pushing back an errant curl.

"Mister, you are _insatiable._ "

"You make me crazy. Can't get enough of you." And as if he needed to prove his point, Fitz dips his head and sinks his teeth into her neck, eliciting a giggly squeal from Olivia's lips.

* * *

 _ **A/N: So I know this was a mostly a filler chapter, but I'm enjoying writing them just being together without so much angst for a change. I hope you liked it. Also, how did you find the How to Get Away with Scandal crossover? I loved it. Seeing Annalise and Olivia together was everything I ever needed and so much more. And I'm really, really happy to see Olivia and Fitz healing slowly, instead of Fitz just diving in and forgiving her immediately. It's so good to see him protecting himself, waiting for her to be the woman he loves again.**_

 _ **Anyway, please leave a review and let me know what you think!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Sorry this has taken a while! I'm trying to write slightly longer chapters lately because I think I prefer them, but let me know what your preference is.**_

* * *

"What?" Olivia fixes Fitz with a look from behind her laptop.

"Nothing."

"You're staring."

A rueful grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. "Sorry. Can't help it."

In the days that passed, Fitz had rearranged his office to accommodate Olivia. He'd removed the huge couch adjacent to the wall lined with bookcases and in its place he'd bought a brand new desk to match his, so she had her own space to work. He'd forgotten how much he enjoys working alongside her; her presence alone is comforting.

Comforting, yet _incredibly_ distracting.

"You're _supposed_ to be going over plans for your library." Olivia scolds softly, trying to hide an amused smile.

"I actually finished about half an hour ago, while you were on the phone," Fitz admits as he tosses the closed folder sitting on his lap onto the coffee table. "Are you hungry? I was thinking pasta for dinner. I've got a great pesto recipe."

"Sure, sounds good." She unplugs her laptop and picks it up as she rounds her desk. "Wanna take a look at the apartments I'm going to view this week?"

"Of course."

Olivia passes her laptop to Fitz and perches on the armrest of his brown leather chair. His eyes skims through the photos, quickly reading the details of each place.

"What is it?" She asks tentatively, noting the slight frown creasing his forehead.

"I don't know… They're nice apartments but I don't think any of them are right for _you_."

"I'll redecorate and make it my own, wherever I end up living."

"Yeah, I guess."

He's holding back, she can see it in his eyes and the way his lips purse together. She takes the laptop and closes the lid, setting it down beside his paperwork on the coffee table.

"Talk to me, Fitz."

Fitz heaves a sigh and leans back in his chair. "I'm concerned for your safety. I don't feel like the security of any of these places is going to be tight enough."

"Huck's always protected me." Olivia reasons weakly, knowing his worries aren't unfounded; he's been uneasy about the prospect of her being alone ever since Jake had shown up… And he isn't alone in that fear.

"There's only so much he can do for you... He wasn't there when you needed somebody to be." His jaw tightens and she knows he was battling with his own unresolved rage. She places her hand over his clenched fist, stroking her thumb over his knuckles. "He agrees with me, Liv."

"You _spoke_ to him?" Her head snaps up and she freezes, eyes wide.

Fitz turns her hand over, tracing his finger along a crease in her palm. "You refuse to hire a bodyguard… I had to say something. We're _both_ worried, we just want you safe."

Olivia softens at the deeprooted concern and love in his voice, but it doesn't do much to quell the nausea sweeping through her. Without saying a word, she repositions herself in his lap and curls her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest. _He_ is her safe place.

"I'll call my realtor when I'm back on Thursday."

* * *

"God damn," Olivia is breathless, sweaty and her body aches from physical exertion. "I can't even keep up with _you_ anymore."

Fitz throws his head back with a laugh. "You're out of practice, don't take it out on me."

They're making their way back from a morning run when she has to stop. Her injuries from the accident had healed but she hasn't built her strength back up yet and, of course, she's struggling to be patient with that fact.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" She glares up at him from her position bent over, her hands resting on her knees.

"I'm not, I swear." He laughs again.

"You know, you could go easy on me." Olivia stands up straight, lifting a hand to wipe her brow.

"And where would the fun be in that?" A teasing smirk outlines Fitz's lips.

"The _least_ you can do is walk back with me. I don't think I can run."

"Okay."

"Good."

"So, I've been thinking," Fitz starts as they begin the walk back through the orchard to the house. His hand slips into hers easily. "I've wanted to have a permanent office back in D.C. for a while. Abby's actually been dropping hints since the day she came to work for me."

"Of course she has." Olivia exhales a quiet chuckle. "She probably misses David."

"Right." He smiles at her and continues, "Anyway, I've finally realized that if I'm going to make real changes, my foundation has to be in Washington."

"Are you asking if you can sleep over at my place a few days a week?" Her tongue brushes at the corner of her lips in amusement.

"Actually, no."

That has Olivia stopping in her tracks. When Fitz turns to face her he can already see the questions forming in her eyes.

"You're… You're not going to sell the house, are you?"

"God, no. I would never dream of that."

She's immediately filled with relief, then the confusion takes over. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"I'm going to need a place. And I thought…" His sentence trails off as he tries to choose his words carefully. "Why don't we look for somewhere to live together?"

Olivia's stomach drops and she instinctively takes a step back, out of his reach. "What?"

"We could move in together. Buy a house together." Fitz clarifies with more conviction and a self-assured glint in his eyes.

"That's a big step, Fitz…" If the look on her face hadn't told him how uneasy she is at the idea, the apprehension in her voice would have.

"I know."

"We only just got back together."

"I know."

"Don't you think it's too fast?"

Fitz pauses for a brief moment, calmly studying her expression. "I know it's fast but Liv, I'm ready. We've wasted so much time over the past ten years and I just want you. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too, it's just…" Olivia blurts out, worried he may think she's having second thoughts about them. "It's huge. It's a lot… I don't want us to rush into a commitment like this."

"So take some time to think about it." He offers gently with a tiny shrug, trying to downplay how big of a deal it is.

"I'm not saying no… It's just a lot to take in. I didn't –" She cuts herself off and avoids his questioning stare.

"What?"

"I didn't think we were at that place… I didn't think _you_ were."

Fitz half smiles as he wraps an arm around her shoulders and they continue to walk to the house. "Things may be different this time, but that doesn't mean I see no future with you. I want to share my life with you, wake up with you every day."

Olivia rests her head against his shoulder and hugs into his side. "I'll think about it."

"Good… Remind me, when are you back in Vermont again?"

"Two and a half weeks."

He lets out a pained groan. "That's far too long... I'm postponing your flight until later tonight."

"I have work in the morning, Fitz."

"We're spending the rest of the day in bed. No excuses."

Before Olivia has a chance to object again, Fitz scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder. Shrieks of his name and giggles erupt from her lips.

* * *

Huck hovers in the doorway of Olivia's office, observing her with mild bemusement and curiosity in his eyes. He'd seen her in her moments of complete darkness, just struggling to keep herself from drowning; the laughter in her voice is certainly a novelty.

"I have to go… Because you're distracting me and I have tons of work to catch up on, mister!" She giggles again as she listens to the response. "I'll call you later. Bye."

Olivia ends the call with a dazed grin and when Huck realizes she's clearly unaware of his presence, he clears his throat. Her eyes meet his and she straightens up in her seat.

"I brought you tea." He offers with a small smile, lifting a paper cup and steps into the room to place it on her desk.

"Thanks, Huck."

"You seem happy, Liv… He makes you happy. And I trust him."

Huck's admission makes Olivia's brows lift slightly in surprise. In all the years she'd known him, he'd never given his approval of _any_ of her romantic partners. He's always kept a watchful eye on her – and an even closer one on any man in her life.

"I am happy." She nods, unable to suppress the smile spreading across her face again. "He wants us to buy a house together, in D.C."

"It seems like a good idea." Huck agrees, his eyes glazing over with thought for a second.

"It's not too fast?" Olivia stares at him, expecting a much less encouraging response from somebody so protective.

"You've been seeing him on-off for a decade, Liv." His lips twitch with the hint of a smirk.

"I know," She frowns in annoyance that's mostly directed at herself. "I just feel like we're rushing into things."

"What do you really have to lose?" Huck asks and when she opens her mouth but can't find the words, he continues, "It's okay to put yourself first, you know? He makes you happy, you said it yourself."

"He does." Olivia concedes softly with a nod.

"So you don't have to keep holding yourself back. You're allowed to be a little selfish sometimes." He utters and then adds as an afterthought, "Especially after everything you went through to get here."

Her eyes fill with tears and she swallows against the lump in her throat. "You're better at this than you think, Huck… Thank you."

The corners of Huck's mouth pull into a crooked grin and he leaves her office without another word. In a moment of spontaneity, Olivia turns to her laptop and in a few quick clicks, she's booked a flight back to Vermont the following evening.

* * *

Olivia's foot taps restlessly on the carpeted floor of the car; the decision to surprise Fitz had been a last minute, reckless one, but she can't wait to see him. She's ready for whatever is ahead of them, ready for them to live together, ready to share her life with him; she wants it all. The thought of telling him is making her pulse race quicker and her excitement only doubles as the house comes into view.

After greeting the members of secret service stationed at his front door, she pushes it open and steps inside, wheeling a small suitcase in behind her. The sound of the TV immediately signals she isn't alone and a slow grin spreads uncontrollably across her face.

"Fitz?"

As Olivia steps into the living room, her suspicions are confirmed. But it isn't Fitz lying on the couch – it's his daughter, Karen. And she isn't without company, either; her lips are locked with another girl with short blond hair, her hands under the girl's shirt. A gasp sounds from Olivia's lips, unintentionally announcing her presence. Karen and the girl break apart instantaneously in horror. There's a beat of awkward, stunned silence and then Karen strides towards Olivia with fear in her eyes.

"Please, please, please don't tell my dad. He doesn't know and I was going to tell him, but I just hadn't found the right moment." Karen pleads in desperation, babbling nervously. "He can't find out like this. You can't tell him! I…"

As she trails off, Olivia watches some of the panic disappear. It's replaced by confusion and then in an instant anger and realization flash behind her eyes.

"Why are you here?" Karen's question is pointed. Her gaze shifts to the keys in Olivia's hand. "And why do you have a set of keys to my dad's house?"

"I-I'll give you some space." The blond girl quickly excuses herself and makes an escape down the hall, obviously feeling the tension in the room.

"Karen, I…" Olivia starts but she struggles to find the words to explain. She has no idea how to deal with this in a way that Fitz would be happy with.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just… I don't… Where's Fitz?"

"He's out."

"Maybe we should wait for him…"

"Jerry always had suspicions about you and Dad, you know? I told him he was crazy, that you were a good friend to him and Mom. And even when I caught Mom with Andrew, I still didn't think Dad could cheat…" Karen blinks back tears of anger and hurt. "Jerry was right, wasn't he? I should've listened to him."

"I'm sorry, I didn't… It's not what you think."

"Not what I think? So you _weren't_ screwing my dad behind my mom's back?"

"It wasn't like that… Listen, I think you should talk to your dad about this."

Karen is all but screaming in Olivia's face now. "You're here and I'm asking you: how long have you been _screwing_ my dad?"

At that moment the front door clicks as Fitz closed it behind him. Olivia spins on her heels to face him.

"Fitz, I'm sorry." Her apology is futile; she can see the fury in his piercing gaze and tightly clenched jaw.

"Karen, can you give us a moment?" Fitz turns to his daughter, refusing to acknowledge Olivia directly.

Karen scoffs, "You have got to be kidding me! I want to know what the hell is going on!"

"You and I can sit down and I'll explain. But first, I need to speak with Olivia."

"Fine."

His daughter storms down the hall and slams the door, leaving them alone. Before Olivia even opens her mouth to speak, Fitz is snapping at her.

"What are you doing here, Olivia?" His tone is harsh and catches her off guard, causing tears to sting her eyes.

"I only wanted to surprise you." She declares softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Fitz rubs a hand over his face, trying to keep his anger under control and failing miserably. "What the hell am I supposed to tell Karen?"

"I didn't want her to find out this way either, Fitz!" Olivia retorts, folding her arms across her chest defensively.

"God damn it! You can't just show up unannounced."

"I _showed up unannounced_ to tell you I want to move in with you, want to buy a house with you, share my _life_ with you."

He heaved a sigh and guilt washes over his face. "Liv –"

" _Don't_ … Go talk to your daughter." The hurt glazed over in her eyes is unmistakable as she pushes past him and heads out the door.

* * *

A little after midnight, Olivia returns to the house following an evening of drinking Abby's apartment dry of red wine. Fitz is sitting up in bed, reading a book, when she walks into the bedroom. She doesn't give him a second glance as she kicks off her heels and gathers her things, choosing to get undressed in the bathroom.

When Olivia walks out, Fitz has set aside his book. She avoids his gaze, knowing he'll immediately break down the guard she's built up and she wants him to know she isn't just about to let it go. His eyes follow her as she crosses the room and slides between the sheets, keeping her back to him.

"Liv," Fitz speaks in a soft voice. When she doesn't react, he continues, "Liv, are you going to just keep ignoring me?"

"We can talk in the morning." Olivia responds curtly and she has every intention of going to sleep angry at him.

"Livvie, please."

"Don't _Livvie_ me. I'm not in the mood."

"Look, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I was an ass."

"You were."

"I'm sorry." He exhales quietly, daring to reach out a hand to touch her hip. She doesn't immediately flinch away, so he takes his chances and loops an arm around her waist.

"You can't punish me for this, Fitz. I would never intentionally jeopardize the relationship you have with your kids." She silently curses herself when her voice cracks.

"I know. I just didn't know how to deal with her finding out accidentally. I'd always thought I would – _we_ would have control over how our relationship came out."

"If I'd known Karen was visiting…"

"Liv, it's okay. I know." Fitz feels her tense up in his arms and tightens his embrace, pulling her close. "I talked things over with her and she's okay. She was hurt that she was lied to, but she understands now that things were too complicated and I wanted to protect her."

"That's good, I'm glad." Olivia softens and smooths a hand over his, caressing his knuckles with the tips of her fingers. Her thoughts drift to her arrival and the incident with Karen; she wonders if she had breached the subject of her sexuality with her dad. "Did you talk about anything else?"

"Hmmm? Like what?" He asks absently as he presses his lips against her shoulder

"I don't know." She lies, deciding that it isn't her secret to tell. She isn't about to make his daughter hate her any more than she probably does already.

They're quiet for a while until Fitz finally speaks, "Do you still want us to move in together?"

"Yes." Olivia twists in his arms to face him and slides her fingers into his curls, scratching his scalp gently. "I do."

"Really? I thought I was an ass."

"You _are_ an ass but I figure you'll have more time to make it up to me if we're living together."

"You know, I could get a head start on that right now…" He leans into her, hovering a hairsbreadth over her lips. "Can I kiss you now?"

She smiles. "Mmhm."

"Missed you." Fitz sighs into their kisses, luxuriating in the taste of her sweet mouth as he trails his hand down her flat stomach.

"Fitz –" Olivia's breath catches in her throat when his hand slips below the waistband of her silk pajama bottoms and into her damp panties. She grabs his wrist, stilling his movements. "No. We can't. What about Karen?"

"You can be quiet, can't you?" He whispers, sucking at her bottom lip and biting softly. "You've got _years_ of practice, baby. All those times on the campaign and then in the Oval…"

The reference to the beginning of their relationship makes her wetter and she arches her hips into him, pushing herself against his teasing fingers. When he lowers his head, dipping to kiss down her throat and between her breasts, she stops him.

"If you go down on me I won't be able to stay quiet." Olivia murmurs lowly as she tugs at his hair, pulling him back up to her lips. "Like this, baby. Touch me like this. Wanna kiss you."

Fitz strokes her expertly and in minutes he has her falling apart, moaning into his mouth as he curls his fingers against her g-spot and rubs her clit with his thumb. It isn't nearly enough for her, but it takes the edge off.

"Tomorrow I'm going to fuck you so good you won't be able to stop yourself screaming." He declares with the most devilish smirk as she catches her breath. "Karen and her friend Ana leave early afternoon, so you won't be waiting long."

"Stick to whatever plans you had with her for the morning, don't let my presence get in the way of you spending time with your daughter." Olivia utters, distractedly twisting her fingers in the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

"I want you to have breakfast with us, actually," Fitz states casually, as if it's nothing.

She pulls back, staring at him with wide eyes. "Are you really sure that's such a good idea? Karen hates me."

"She doesn't hate you."

"She certainly doesn't like me."

"Liv, she'll come around. How could she not when you're so god damn lovable?" Fitz reasons and gives her an obvious look, eyebrows raised.

"You are _so_ ridiculous." Olivia rolls her eyes, giggling despite herself.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I had a couple people message me and comment that they'd like to see Fitz's kids, so I was trying to figure out a way to make that happen. Suddenly I had this idea for Karen and her sexuality (because if there's one thing Scandal has always lacked, it's LGBTQ+ representation) and this happened. Let me know your thoughts/opinions! Reviews really do help me and I love to read what you think!**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: I know it's been forever since I updated and I appreciate the support for this fic so much! As I said on my latest update to Moments, I've been going through a lot lately and had to get my laptop repaired, but I'm back now and I've edited all of the previous chapters to this.**_

 _ **Also, I got a few comments/messages about what I said in my last author's note about the LGBTQ+ representation and I'd like to respond and clarify things: Cyrus and his love interests were not representing the entire community. As a bisexual woman, I do feel it's a genuine shame because Scandal changed my life in the best way, but that is the one thing it lacked. There's more to the LGBTQ+ community than the G, let's not forget that.**_

 _ **Anyway, here's a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**_

* * *

Olivia is busying herself in the kitchen when Fitz walks in, eyes wide with shock at the sight before him. In their entire relationship, he's never seen her pick up so much as a wooden spoon, so watching her dart around the room, attempting to make breakfast is hysterical. He only intervenes when she begins to attempt to whisk pancake batter, gently prying the mixing bowl out of her hands to take over before she causes an accident or starts a fire.

"Go sit down, Olivia. I got this."

She frowns and her plump lips pout. "I want to help."

"Liv, you know how you can help?"

"How?"

"By getting out of our kitchen." His teasing grin fades a little as the implications of his words settle in. Though the house had been built with her in mind, neither of them have acknowledged that it's still hers until now.

"Okay." She admits defeat, standing up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

While Fitz makes breakfast, Olivia takes herself through to the dining room. She's setting the table when Karen appears in the doorway, lingering there for a moment before walking in and taking a seat.

"I want you to know that I haven't said anything to your father, Karen," Olivia speaks softly, daring to approach the subject and break the tension.

"Thank you." Karen nods slowly, breathing out a quiet sigh of relief. Then her brows draw together in a frown. "But why didn't you? I was awful to you, you could've just…"

"Because it's not my place."

They're both silent for a while as Olivia finishes placing silverware on the tabletop. Karen pours herself a glass of orange juice and takes a sip before she speaks again.

"I wanted to apologize… I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday."

"It's okay." Olivia's shoulders lift in a light shrug as she pulls out a chair opposite Karen. "I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You don't have to explain, my dad told me everything. It was the first real, honest conversation I think we've ever had." Karen almost laughs.

"You should talk to him." Olivia begins earnestly, trying her best not to overstep their unspoken boundaries. "I promise he won't love you any less or view you any differently. Your sexuality doesn't define you."

"I brought Ana here to tell him. I was just going to say it, like 'Hey dad, this is my girlfriend' but I chickened out." Karen grimaces and at that moment the sound of infectious laughter comes from down the hall, in the kitchen.

"Well, it sounds like he's already taken a liking to her," Olivia notes with a faint smile touching her lips.

"It's almost annoying how well they're getting along." Karen's eyes roll but there's only playfulness behind the gesture.

The laughter and friendly chatter soon follows them through to the dining room as Fitz and Ana walk in, each carrying two plates with bacon and pancakes stacked high. If he's surprised by the distinct lack of tension between his girls, he doesn't show it.

"Here." Fitz places their plates down and takes a seat beside Olivia, flashing her a grin. "I didn't get to introduce the two of you yesterday; Liv this is Ana, Ana this is my girlfriend Liv."

Olivia decides then that she'll _never_ tire of hearing Fitz refer to her as his girlfriend so easily, without fear or reservation.

* * *

After breakfast, Karen leaves Ana to pack while she and Fitz take Rufus out for a walk. When they return, Karen and Ana say their goodbyes, leaving Olivia and Fitz watching from the porch as they drive away. When they're finally alone, Fitz loops his arms around Olivia's waist, hugging her from behind. She tips her head back, breathing out a quiet sigh.

"So Karen and I had a long talk… About you. About her." He murmurs into her ear, pausing to press his lips to her neck in a sweet kiss. "About Ana."

She shifts in his arms to face him, studying him carefully. "What did she say?"

"She told me that Ana's not _just_ a friend, she explained that she's her girlfriend and they're in a serious relationship." He pauses, narrowing his gaze on her. "She also told me what happened when you'd arrived yesterday."

"Oh… She did?" Olivia tenses in his arms and she isn't sure how to read his expression.

"It's okay, Liv." Fitz soothes, rubbing circles at the base of her back. "She needed to tell me on her own and she was glad you didn't take that away from her."

"And you're not mad?"

"Not at all. I don't like it when you keep things from me, but this was different." He watches a genuine smile spread across her face and grins back at her. "I'm gonna Skype with Teddy, then after that… I'm making love to you."

A shiver runs through her at the predatory tone of his voice. "I didn't know you actually meant that last night."

"I'm a man of my word." His hands dip lower to squeeze her ass, pulling her up against him as he closes his mouth over _that_ spot on her neck that makes her tremble. "And I meant it when I said I'd make you scream."

* * *

After a round of heated, intense lovemaking where Fitz well and truly made good on his promise, he traces his fingertips up and down Olivia's side, skimming over her curves as her ragged breaths even out.

"Is there anything I could be doing for you?" He asks after a while, biting his bottom lip for a brief moment as his gaze travels down her naked body. "Sexually, I mean."

Her brows shoot up in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"What?"

"You actually think I'm _unsatisfied_?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Baby, nobody has ever – or _will ever_ – make me come as hard as you do." She trails off with a frown creasing her forehead. "Wait, is there something I could be doing to satisfy _you_?"

"Livvie, no, _god_. I was just wondering if you have any unfulfilled fantasies that I could make happen."

Her tongue brushes at the corner of her lips as she considers his offer. "Before I met you I always wanted to have a threesome."

"Really?" His eyes widen with surprise at her confession.

"Mmm… But now I couldn't stand having to share you, watching somebody else touch you." She curls an arm around his neck possessively, pouting at the thought.

"Mellie and I had a threesome once."

Olivia stares at him, mouth agape, like he's grown a second head. "You _did_?"

"It's not _at all_ what you're thinking." Fitz laughs with a shake of his head. "After you left there was a period of time near the end of our marriage where we tried to make it work. It was just… _sad_. I think she thought that because she wasn't enough for me, I'd be satisfied with the porn fantasy of having two women want me."

"Poor baby, having to sleep with two women. How did you ever cope?" Her tone is playfully teasing. She juts her bottom lip out as she pinches his chin gently.

"Two women who weren't _you_." He corrects, frowning until she leans forward to kiss him affectionately and an irrepressible smile spreads across his face. "After being with you nobody could ever compare. You ruined me."

"Good." Olivia wears a triumphant smirk as she wraps her thigh around his hip and pushes herself up to straddle him. "What about you? Anything you want to do with me to mix things up?"

"There is one thing, actually, though I'm not sure we could do it…" Fitz trails off, chewing his bottom lip.

"I'm listening."

"I've always wanted to make a sex tape with you."

"I don't know what I was expecting, but that…" Her tongue swipes between her lips and she peers down at him through darkened eyes. "That would be hot. I'd love to have a video of us for when we're apart."

"Just talking about this is turning me on." He runs his hands up her thighs, squeezing them with possessive fervor.

"I can tell, babe." Olivia pushes her hips back to grind against the erection poking against her ass.

A low growl escapes Fitz and his jaw clenches as she repositions herself to kneel between his legs. " _Livvie_."

"What?" Her face is a picture of innocence. She wraps a hand around his length and circles the tip of his cock with her tongue.

The words die on his lips as she takes him into her mouth, humming low in her throat.

* * *

"I told Teddy about us. And Mellie." Fitz announces casually over dinner.

Olivia almost chokes on her mouthful of noodles. Following hours and hours in bed together, neither of them had the energy to cook so they'd ordered Chinese takeout and his Skype call with Teddy had gone unmentioned. Until now.

"What did you – I don't –" She stumbles over her words, reeling from his admission.

"Teddy's fine with it, he's a good kid." He elaborates, biting into a spring roll. "But I didn't want Mellie to find out from Karen or anybody else. I was a little concerned about how she'd take it, to be completely honest."

"And how did it go?" Her eyes shift to the takeout container in front of her and she absently pokes at a dumpling with her chopsticks.

"She's disappointed, I think, but not surprised," Fitz replies with a light shrug of his shoulders. "Things were so hard after you left, I don't know that she'll ever truly be over it."

"Do you think she still wishes things had worked out between you two?" Olivia dares to sneak a furtive glance at him and sees him staring back at her, open-mouthed. "What?"

"Not in a million years." He scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. "She's moved on with that new guy, Marcus. She's happier than she ever was with me. I mean, she's actually in love and by all accounts, he loves her too."

"I'm glad. After everything, she deserves to be happy." There's nothing insincere in her tone; she really does mean it.

"So do you." His hand slides across the dining table to grasp hers.

She breathes out a muted sigh and her lips curve with a faint smile. "I am happy. So, so happy."

"I've been thinking," He begins, caressing her knuckles with his thumb. "How would you feel about going for dinner, in public, when we're back in D.C.?"

"Mister, are you asking me on a date?" Her eyes light up and her face breaks into a teasing grin.

"I am. I wanna take you out and show how lucky I am to have you on my arm…" He trails off, hesitating as the smile on his face slips a little. "That is if you're ready for it?"

"I'm ready. We have nothing to hide anymore and I would be proud for the world to know I'm yours." She states genuinely and her heart flutters in her chest at the thought of finally being able to go public, following the years of secrecy. There's a devilish look in her eyes. "But I should warn you, I don't put out on the first date."

"Is that so?"

"I'm not easy, baby."

He leans back in his chair, smirking at her. "Then I guess I'll have to put _all_ my best moves on you to try to change that."

"Mmhm, you better." She says, brushing her tongue subconsciously between her full lips, enticing him even more. "I've been waiting a _long_ time for this date, it'd be a shame if you disappointed me."

"I wouldn't dream of letting that happen." The twinkle in his eye tells her he means _every_ word.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I just want to make it clear again, I'm not abandoning writing.** **I have plenty of ideas and plans for future fics, both multi-chaptered and one shots. But here's the thing: I've been really frustrated and lacking inspiration for Scars We Carry. I no longer like the ending I had in mind and I want to wrap it up much sooner, so it's likely I'll write 2/3 more chapters. I hope you understand.**_

 _ **And btw, if you haven't already, please go follow my tumblr - makingjaminvermont. I'm trying to post more on it, including sneak peeks and maybe some little ficlets I deem too short or rough to upload here! Thanks!**_


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